Tag: Faith

A Blessed Christmas

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I’m sitting on my well worn grey sofa after another busy direct care shift, enjoying a few moments of solitude before I go to bed.

My heart is full tonight.

One week ago, I was homesick, wondering what Christmas alone would be like. At work that day, a visitor asked me “How will you like Christmas without my family?”

I blinked back the now-familiar ache of loneliness, and bravely replied, “I try not to over think it. I’m focusing on the real meaning of Christmas, and I’m looking forward to experiencing the Christmas God wants for me here.”

This adorable little lady who I never met before threw her arms around me, and exclaimed “Oh, you dear girl! You are so brave to be sacrificing your time in serving here. I will pray you have a blessed Christmas!”

I went home that night with a warm circle of hope running around my heart…

The next day, I went evangelizing in a train station with a few friends while a choir sang Christmas carols. I had the opportunity to share hope with others who have so much less than I do this Christmas. I have Jesus. He is everything I need.

But I’ve been amazed so often… He gives me so much more.

The choir invited me to join them for the ride home that evening, and old friends introduced me to new ones.

All weekend I was blessed to spend time with good people who I’m gradually getting to know.

And it was so rejuvenating. Exactly what I was needing.

I never realized until I moved to a new area, how hard it would be. How exhausting it is to build so many new relationships.

After visiting home and coming back here, I realized more than ever how much I left behind. If leaving the first time was hard, leaving again was harder…

But faith keeps on. Faith is believing that if God called me here, He has a place for me here.

Faith waits until that place feels comfortable. It takes time until these new relationships form. It takes patience and courage to keep going out and putting in the hard work of getting to know people.

Only now, as I’m settling in and seeing how God is bringing the details together, do I realize just how much of an uphill climb I’ve been on.

But tonight, I’m feeling purely blessed.

Yesterday morning my newly married friend asked me, “What are you doing today? I’m 10 minutes down the road. Can I stop in?”

So I baked cookies while she signed Christmas cards, and we caught up on all the things. It felt so normal, but I paused to thank God for the blessing of living so close to her now. (I mean, it’s still 3 hours, but we used to live in different countries… this feels like a gift!)

This morning I got a message from a friend who was a stranger 6 weeks ago… asking if she could do something with me or if I’m working tonight.

I’m not off this weekend, which she suspected, and her suggestion amazed me: “Can my friends and I come clean your house, then be there to hang out when you get off your shift?”

I had just accomplished all the cleaning, so they said they would wash my dishes instead, and stay until I get home from work.

One hour ago, 5 dear souls left my house. They not only washed my dishes, they brought oodles of snacks for my dorm sister and I… their generosity was incredible.

We had coffee and tea they had made – I had told them to help themselves to whatever they want before I get home, and I was so glad they did.

It’s little things like that that move friendships from “new acquaintances” to comfortable.

And that, I realized, is what I’ve been missing. My friendships at home were comfortable.

I need people to be that comfortable with here.

And God knows that. God has been working it all out, and bit by bit, these friendships have been forming, until suddenly I realize – I am finding my people.

My comfortable place.

My spot to belong here – for the season I’m called to stay.

And I smile as I remember the little lady who prayed for my Christmas to be blessed.

It has been… so blessed that joy is pooling in my eyes and making my chest ache.

How has Christmas alone been?

Thanks to the family of God, I don’t know.

My family and friends back home didn’t forget me. They sent flowers, texts, cards in the mail, and my parents are coming to visit on my day off next week.

And here? I have been amazed at all the people obeying God’s command to love and give. I am finding out for the first time how much support a VSer needs… and the faith it takes to trust God to provide those needs… and the humility needed to receive when others show up to meet the needs in ways I feel undeserving of.

Thank you is becoming a frequently used word – and it holds a ton of meaning.

Spending Christmas away from my family has been a new experience, but it’s been so good.

I can still turn on string lights and listen to Christmas music while baking cookies. I can bring the Christmas feels from home into my world here, drink hot chocolate after work and stay up late watching it snow.

Most importantly, I can worship the One Who brought the best Gift of Christmas, just like I have for years.

But my worship is richer and deeper this year because of the type of Christmas it’s been.

I am learning so much… being loved so well… and feeling so, incredibly blessed.

God is good.

So, so good.

The Gift of Loneliness

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I get out of bed, look in my mirror, and firmly say, “Jackie, you’re a big girl now. Just do it.”

And I obediently go to Walmart to buy more tea and cough syrup – and comfort my weary self that at least I will get to see other humans while I’m out.

Being this sick so soon in my VS term was not in my plans. Taking this many days off work, when I came here to serve, definitely is going against my grain.

But in all things, there is purpose. I’m not just waiting to get better so I can continue my purpose here – this, right now, has got to have purpose too.

Because of the ways others have reached out to me, I have new inspiration to care for the sick – just as soon as I get better.

Yesterday a friend drove half an hour just to bring me a jar of deep tissue rub. She didn’t ask if she may come – she said she would be coming around 2:00, and that was that. There was nothing I could do other than be grateful.

Others have messaged me with advice about where to buy home remedies in this area. They helped me figure out which walk-in clinic to go to.

There are good people following Christ’s command to care for the sick, even though it’s just a routine thing that should resolve in a few days. It’s a vast understatement to simply say, I’m blessed by their caring. I’m not alone.

Driving myself to an unfamiliar city to see a doctor, and doing all the insurance paperwork that goes with it, it was tempting to feel alone.

Coming back to my empty house to continue being my own nurse, I will admit, I cried. Even though I love it here, change has it’s challenges as I expected it would. Homesickness hasn’t hit me often, and not since the first few weeks of getting settled.

But getting sick and having to navigate the medical system here made it come back in full force yesterday. The pleasant quietness of the first few days in my house was quickly feeling more like oppressive loneliness.

(And then the why’s start whispering… why, why, is God not making me better so I can go back to work?)

I don’t know entirely why, but it has given me more time (between naps) for my book study.

I was inspired to think about ways this time off work can be a gift.

It takes strong discipline of the mind to get off the track of feeling sorry for ourselves, and looking for the purpose God has in every challenge.

Being sick isn’t new to me, I’ve experienced that before. It’s the loneliness while being sick, that is brand new. I’ve been blessed, until now, to live at home where Mom just did fuss over me when I was sick – even though I could have cared for myself.

So, the loneliness is the part that I’m wrestling with. And that’s what I chose to ponder last evening during my devotional time.

“God, if You’re allowing this to go on for days, I know it has purpose – help me to see beauty in it.”

Some of you probably wouldn’t need to write yourselves a sermon to find joy in challenges – I guess I process by writing, so that’s what I did.

When I can see truth spelled out in words, it sinks deep into my heart.

Here are the words that were a soothing answer to my searching last night.

Loneliness is a gift.

It is an opportunity to run to Jesus because there is no one else present.

It is an avenue to a more intimate dependence on Jesus, free of distractions.

Loneliness is an open door to more of God.

Through greater dependence on Him, I am shown His vast ability to provide in a fuller way.

When I accept the loneliness as a gift and embrace the opportunities in it, God shows me how He provides. Sometimes in material ways, sometimes through people, often in unexpected ways…

He provides, and it is amazing.

Dear Jesus, let me not seek an escape from loneliness, but rather, seek You in it – because I am never truly alone. Amen.

Emotions, Questions, and Questionable Emotions

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There is a common struggle among women, and that is dealing with these things called emotions.

The very word brings understanding nods and knowing looks and amused grins.

It brings an animated discussion into our rather quiet youth girls Sunday school class.

We know what emotions are!

But there’s a prevalent misconception among us that to be emotionally mature, we need to master our emotions, and that means we deny feeling them at all.

It is true that we should master our feelings, rather than letting them control us.

The denial of their existence, however, is to live a lie.

God knows us intimately well, far better than we could ever express ourselves, and we try to pretend we’re not feeling the emotions He created us with!

I hear it so often from friends in all walks of life “I need to just accept this and not question God.”

So God doesn’t expect that you’ll feel anything in response to the hard situation you’re in?

He’s okay with it that when you don’t understand Him and His ways, you don’t even bother asking Him about it?

The Creator of galaxies, Who pursued your heart to the cross, doesn’t mind that you aren’t even acting interested in getting to know Him in deeper ways?

I don’t support angry ranting at God, but I don’t think that all hard questions need to be repressed, either.

There’s a slight shift in wording that makes these two phrases mean vastly different things: “questioning God” or “asking God questions.”

To question something is to doubt it, to lack confidence in it’s legitimacy, to challenge its credibility.

To ask questions is to seek information, to learn more about the subject, and it is an expectant act believing that there will be an answer.

We do not question that God is good.

But when we don’t understand how His ways are good, we ask Him questions.

Faith filled questions that express a belief that He is Who He says He is, but we are seeking to know more about Him.

For a simple illustration of this, follow me down a quick bunny trail: I was asking math questions the other night. Dad was showing me a shortcut for manually extracting a square root, and of course he did it so quickly I didn’t have time to grasp the concept.

I saw that it worked, and I was impressed, but I wanted to understand how it worked. I didn’t question the math – I knew it was legitimate – but I sure had questions to ask about the concept that made it work!

That’s how it is with God and our emotions sometimes. We don’t question that He’s good, but we wonder how He’s good. We struggle to see the deeper work going on.

And those feelings that come with that – He created those emotions. Grief. Hope. Anger. Compassion. They exist because He gave us the ability to feel them.

Feelings produce action, and since some feelings produce good actions while others don’t, we classify our emotions into categories of “acceptable” and “unacceptable.”

What if it’s not about what we feel, but how we deal with it, that matters?

What if we can take the feelings we don’t like to God, and ask Him what to do with them? He can then replace them with His peace, since we’ve invited Him to do so instead of just pretending the yuck didn’t exist.

If we react to our circumstances with emotions that make us wonder who God is or how this can be love, we don’t need to push those questions aside.

God is inviting us to learn more about Him!

And the emotions we judge as negative… are the very ones that inspire the hard questions. Questions which will lead to a deeper connection with the heart of the Suffering Saviour.

The only way to know a subject well is to ask questions. Dig deep. Relentlessly pursue all the information you can get.

Why would we not pursue knowing our Redeemer and Father in the same way?

We don’t question that God is God.

But because we believe by faith that He IS our Good Father, and therefore we want to know as much as we can about Him, we ask questions to learn.

And as we wait expectantly on Him, He will reveal His heart to us in answer to our questions.

So, ladies, let’s be brave. Let’s be vulnerable before the God Who already knows every corner of our hearts.

And maybe, our questionable emotions will be redeemed if they are the motivation to getting to know God in a deeper way.

…and that is a summary of my thoughts on emotions and questions, following various recent conversations with friends regarding said topics.

Plunging into His Goodness

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“Mightier than the waves of the sea is His love for you.”

It’s Sunday afternoon, and I’m here for some solo time in “my” gazebo in my favourite little park in the world.

The last few days have been a whirlwind of travelling all over the state, catching up with various friends, and now I finally have time to sit and write.

Yesterday, two friends took me three hours south, to the beach. The surf was wild – wilder than we’d ever seen before.

The waves were a relentless fury of crashing water.

The wind was strong.

But the chaotic waves were irresistible by later in the morning, and we decided to test them.

They were too high to jump over.

You couldn’t float up and over, either, because they always broke over your head.

The force of the first ones we ran to meet nearly knocked us over.

Really, the only way to play in the surf was to either stand there getting hit in the chest with water, or dive straight through the waves.

It felt wrong, honestly.

It seemed like I should run for shore, and try to keep my balance as the force of each wave hit me.

To hold my breath and dive straight into a wall of crashing water seemed crazy.

But my heart was intrigued by the way others were confidently diving in, trusting the waves, and popping up on the other side.

I gave it a try…

The force of the first one knocked my hand off my nose and I came up with the taste of salt water in my mouth.

I did master it though; prepared for the force and holding on tight the next few dives went much better.

Later, my friend suggested, “Try just laying down under them.”

I watched her as the next wave came. She leaned forward, then lay down parallel to the wave as it broke over her back.

That was even easier than diving in. The waves never hit me, I never felt the power of the surging water, unless I reached above me to feel what was going on.

Laying down and being pushed by the current was the most gentle yet powerful ride.

And there, under the waves, my heart was learning profound things about trusting God’s goodness.

Unless we stayed in knee deep water, missing out on the experience of being in the ocean, the effort to stay standing in the water of the pounding surf was too much.

We had to keep bracing ourselves and keeping our knees locked.

But diving through the waves, laying down under them, totally yielding myself to their force… was much easier.

Under the waves, the water carried me. It rolled me in gently with the wave instead of catching me in the crashing water on the surface.

And what if God’s love is like that ocean? We often compare it to an ocean, because of how vast and endless His love is.

But what about the times His love doesn’t make sense?

Times when waves of emotion crash wildly on our heart, threatening to knock us down with each blow.

Exhausted, we fight to stay on our own two feet.

Desperate not to be knocked down and swept into the fury.

Confused and doubting how events can be part of God’s goodness, we resist stepping into the water.

What if, instead of trusting my own strength to hold me up, instead of holding back in the shallows, I could wade confidently out into the ocean and meet each wave?

What if I yield myself to the crashing water and lay down in this great expanse of love?

What if I immerse myself in it instead of fighting it, and trust God to carry me on the currents?

What if yielding to His goodness, even when it doesn’t make sense, would spare me the chaos on the surface? What if I could rest in the power of His love to roll me gently to shore?

It took a lot of holding my breath to swim this way.

It feels like holding a breath and taking a reckless plunge to just dive all in to the storms on life’s ocean, too.

Praise God, in the storms of our heart He is our life and breath.

It’s safe to lay down and let the waves wash over your soul, sweet friend.

It’s safe because God is in the ocean… His love is the current…

And He’s going to use every wave to take you gently to the place He wants you.

You only need to stop fighting, dive in, and trust Him.

“Do You Know Who You Are?”

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Summer has been a whirlwind so far, and here, nearly the end of July, I’m finally pausing to catch my breath.

I fully expected to be writing long blog posts processing all the changes in my life when school ended, but instead, I have had no words.

There have been all kinds of feels to feel, and no way to describe them.

Choosing to step out in faith and close the door to teaching after living in that role for six years…

Preparing to move hours away from home to start an exciting VS opportunity…

Enjoying every opportunity to spend with my family and church people and friends, because soon I won’t be seeing them as often for a season.

And now, here I am at the beach. With the besties. For three blissful days in a glamping dome.

Yesterday, trying to catch up, all of us used many words in an attempt to explain our lives to each other.

As I muddled through a description of my transition season, a calm voice asked me, “Do you still know who you are?”

Yes and no.

I know Whose I am.

And I know who I am, in Christ.

Redeemed. Chosen. Beloved.

But my role in my family, my church, my youth group, and as a teacher… those are all either lost or changing. Who am I going to be to the people currently around me, and who will I be to those who will share the next season with me?

I don’t know what that will all look like.

She nodded, satisfied.

“Whoever loses his life for my sake shall find it,” she reminded me.

And finally, I have something solid to grab hold of in all the shifting unknowns.

I followed God’s guidance to “lose my life,” or very much let go of the comfortable life I had.

Jesus promised that if we do this, if we lay down our plans for His, we will find life.

He’s not going to leave me uprooted forever. There is a beautiful planting ahead for me where I will put roots down again and thrive.

And last night, as I lay cross wise in a king size bed, sandwiched between two awesome friends who make this crazy life a whole lot easier, I smiled up at the plastic dome overhead.

Right then, I knew where I belonged.

In the middle of everything that is changing, I have Jesus to walk with me. He is going to fill my life in the next season.

I will always belong with my family and friends, near or far.

And knowing my place with my friends is especially easy when they’re so near that rolling over is impossible without waking somebody up.

I’m smiling out at the clear blue water that will soon lose its tranquility when we go splashing in.

I do believe, time at the beach is good for my heart.

On Renovations and Faith

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I’ve been wanting to turn this into a blog post for several days, but I’ve been too busy to get my swirling thoughts typed here.

However, as I spun my cake decorators’ turntable this afternoon, and angled my tools to create the desired look, I had time to think and reflect… now the cakes are done so I can exhale, relax, and write what’s been on my heart.

Last weekend was 6 months since I first walked into the church that now feels like home… barely knowing anyone, and completely terrified, but somehow convinced this was the right thing to do.

You know, I had no idea then just how much good would come from asking God for the courage to step out in faith.

I reflected on that last week, and praised God for His faithfulness in guiding me, but didn’t really have a blog post in mind.

Until Friday evening, when my youth group and a few of our church people were … well, quite literally, tearing apart the church basement.

There are some renovations needed, and as plans were made, the list grew.

So, on the last day of school, teachers and students emptied the classrooms completely, in preparation for the work bee that evening. By midnight, all the shelves were gone, trim had disappeared, insulation was removed, some sections of wall were only bare frames, lights were being rewired, and old drywall was removed. Not to mention the endless sweeping, and all the plastic we girls taped up to protect surfaces from the spray painting that will be done.

It really wasn’t recognizable as the school that it had been that morning, and I asked one student who had come with his dad for the evening, “Can you believe the last day of school was in here today?”

His answer was profound, as children so often are without realizing it.

“Well, it feels strange. I thought it would be exciting to tear our classrooms apart, and it is, but…”

“But it’s sad to tear up the place where go many good memories were just made?” I asked.

“Well, kind of, yeah… and it’s so empty. It doesn’t even feel like our school, and it’s just so odd!”

I assured him that by September, they’ll be ready to have lots of good times in a classroom that will feel “new” after all the renovations are complete.

His eyes sparkled with anticipation at that thought and he said, “that’s right! I can’t wait! I hope it’ll look really nice.”

Then, more pensive, he added, “At least, I think it will… it’s hard to imagine right now though while it’s such a mess.”

I reminded him of the things that will be improved and redone, and his enthusiasm returned. “Yeah! I think it’ll look real nice when it’s all done,” and he hurried off to see what else he could do. Destroying classrooms is an adventure, after all!

And I, sweeping up the constant piles of dust and debris, thought about our conversation.

6 months ago, I knew my life didn’t totally fit me… but it was all I knew. It was familiar and comfortable.

Yet I couldn’t stay there. I needed to move on, and I knew it was time. But I couldn’t reach for the new without stepping out of the old.

You know, I was incredibly afraid of walking into a new church and hoping to find it home.

It felt like I was laying down so much – risking relationships with all the people I’d known and love, for relationships I didn’t know if I’d ever build.

But God proved faithful to work it all out for me, and I’ve been able to make many beautiful new friendships as well as keep the familiar old ones.

And, the layout of my life is different.

It doesn’t look like the life I was so familiar with and afraid to leave behind a few months ago. But some things from before are still in their places, and everything is brighter and nicer than ever.

Sometimes, adding to your life means giving every part to God first, so He can remove what’s not needed and return what is still valuable to its place in your life.

By letting God empty you out, you allow Him to work and reconstruct you according to His perfect blueprint.

So, to the one reading this: this is my encouragement for you. If your life feels torn apart, upside down, or totally empty right now, and you wish for the familiar sights of before… keep trusting the Master Architect.

The renovating process takes faith in the end result, patience, and a lot of trust that things are going to end up better, even while they’re visibly being torn apart.

But remind yourself of this truth: God will not ask you to lay something down without putting something more beautiful in its place.

So trust Him, doubting heart.

By what He has done in my life, and for countless others out of unknown circumstances, I truly can say that His renovations are never without a purpose.

And I think your life will look real nice when He’s all done.

2023: A Book Worthy of its Place on my Shelf

Published on by Jackie1 Comment

So, it’s here.

Here, and two minutes close to ending…

This last day of the year 2023.

I find it interesting how we put so much emphasis on the ending of an old year, and welcome the new year with so many emotions… when what really changes in life from 11:59 to 12:00?

Yet, imagine if life was one endless rolling span of time with no way to measure it.

I am so grateful that God created time for us, because He knew we would need those milestones.

It’s a way of sorting life into chapters, actually. Or little hardcover books, that together compile an entire set of volumes which tell a person’s life story.

New Years Day is like the beautiful cover of an empty book. Everything the year holds then goes into it page by page, and December 31 closes the back cover, completing that part of the journey.

(If my comparison of a year to a book seems odd, I apologize… it makes sense to me, but that’s probably because I’m a writer at heart and love all things that contain words, so… books, yes. Also, writers are known to be a rather fanciful, imaginative sort, and therefore may draw far fetched comparisons. Enough said on that bunny trail…)

The covers of a book really don’t tell you what it contains, yet they influence you to decide if it’s worthwhile reading or not.

You don’t know when you start reading what direction the story will go to end up at the last page.

Likewise, the first and last day of a year don’t reveal many details of the events within the year – yet when you compare just those two days, they reveal what kind of year you just lived.

On January 1st, 2023, I was joyful, loving life.

December 31, 2023, I am still joyful. But oh, so much more intensely alive!

The covers of the book don’t reveal all the steps of the journey I walked between them – but the difference from one to the other shows a good year, a year of growth a year to praise God for.

They say you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, and I respect that.

But when it comes to evaluating the year… I’d rather like to judge by the progress made from one cover to the other.

I could jump into the middle of March, or June, or September, and I’d only have pieces of the story.

I could compare the tears I cried with the number of times I sang for joy at the top of my voice, and decide by that… but it might not be accurate.

What if, even in times of turmoil, God is doing so much good in us that we can’t help but call the story good?

And if the entire year was joyful and easy, would I have been challenged to grow? And if not, how sad, to have lived a whole year with so little accomplished.

I prefer to judge my year by the front and back cover: What was my prayer when I entered 2023, and could I see God’s answer by the last day?

…Oh, YES.

This year, I hoped to blossom. Today, I know I have. It doesn’t matter that the pages of the story don’t hold what I expected them to on January 1st, what matters is that God was faithful to answer my prayer – in His way, but always faithful.

And if God is faithful, God is good… and any year that shows His goodness is a story that was worth the living!

So as I close the cover of 2023, forever sealing into that book every moment I lived within its pages, I place it on the shelf of years gone by with peace in my heart.

It’s not a volume I need to bury, or wish I could remove from the set. I lived it with God at my side and His faithfulness is written into every line, making it a good year. It’s a year I would not change or redo – I am ready for the new year, but I value the place 2023 holds in my life story.

So I place it in it’s worthy position on the shelf, where God asks me to lay it down in the section marked “Past,” and I turn to accept the new book He offers.

This one is blank. It’s called 2024. I trust God to make it beautiful in whatever way He chooses.

Blessings to you all as you open the cover of a new book… let God write the story and you will find 2024 to be another year of experiencing His goodness!

Riding Today’s Wave

Published on by Jackie1 Comment

Ah, relaxation.

Late afternoon sunlight streams in the large windows of the community center lounge, a neat stack of graded Bible quizzes lies on the table in front of me, and I still have 20 minutes to just sit here.

Scrolling on my phone, I came across this quote someone posted:

“Healing comes in waves. Today the wave might hit the rocks, but you’re still healing.”

A smile played on my lips as the words washed over my heart – that quote is the best description I’ve heard for those days when all the progress I’ve made seems shattered.

But I feel this precious joy swelling in my chest, because today, that wave is flowing smoothly back out.

Away from the painful crashing into the rocks, into a vast expanse of possibilities.

I never imagined, one year ago, where I’d be today or all that I’d walk through to get here.

I also don’t know where I’ll be in one short year from now, but I’m so grateful to be able to say, I’m excited about the future.

I’m ready… to step forward.

I don’t know which of the opportunities ahead of me I’ll actually pursue, but it’s thrilling to see God’s hand working in my life, healing my heart, and filling me with the capacity to dream again.

The sunlight is fading lower in the sky, but I feel a new day dawning in my life as I enjoy the ride of today’s wave, away from the confining shallows along the shore.

It’s time to travel farther out to sea… deeper into this adventure called life, sailing with greater abandon toward everything God has for me.

It’s a divine risk, giving my life completely into the hands of One Who can lead me in paths beyond my wildest imagination, but I know that His way always includes enough of His strength, grace, and courage for every part of the journey.

So I choose, once again, to say, “Jesus, I trust You. Please, lead me forward in the fullness of Your abundant living.”

Today’s wave rides toward potential joy; tomorrow the ride might carry me back in to be broken on the rocks again. I’m slowly understanding that we must be broken repeatedly so that Jesus within us can continue to pour out of our cracked and bleeding vessels…

But through it all, I know each of these waves are part of the process Jesus is taking me through, and none of it goes unnoticed by Him.

Right now, this moment, Miss Ginger Curls is nearly finished her class and will be demanding me to make good on the promised trip to the park.

My arms are still tired from her fight-mode reaction earlier and the drama of getting into the elevator (with four compassionate but amused onlookers, yes) but my heart loves her more than ever.

How is it that this unlikely rule is manifesting in so many areas of my life… that the bad times ignite multiplied goodness?

Only God Alone can work in this incredible way!

Likewise, even though my heart is bruised anew each time I’m washed up on the rocks, I ride the waves with increased confidence and joy… because I know they ultimately lead in the direction I want to go.

“Healing comes in waves…” and progress is made not by fighting them, but by surrendering to their direction of flow and riding each one to its fullest extent.

So no matter what tries to drag me down, I know one thing for certain: I can always press onward and upward if I keep my eyes fixed on Jesus.

That’s all that’s required of me every moment, simply to focus on Him and let everything else fade…

“Father God, just for today… Help me to walk Your narrow way. Help me stand when I might fall, give me the strength to do Your call… May my steps be worship, may my thoughts be praise, may my words bring honour to Your Name…”

and here comes my favourite feisty bundle of fragile brokenness. Time to stop writing and pour my joy over into her little life!

Proof of a Promise

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…with God all things are possible. Matthew 19:26 KJV

Amen!

This promise is TRUE, as are all of God’s promises.

But… why does He need to prove it?

What if I just wanted to believe that one by faith?

So often our faith is weak, and we just want God to demonstrate His power. To act out His promises in a real way, that we can actually experience.

But this promise?

With God all things are possible.

Do we really want God to prove that one to us?

At first glance, sure! “Yeah, show me the great things You can work out for me! That sounds wonderful!”

but… take a closer look.

With God.

All things.

Are possible.

When God starts demonstrating the truth of this statement, it doesn’t feel like special favour.

It doesn’t look like the revelation of a promise.

Because the only way for God to prove that statement is… to lead me through the very things that to my view, are impossible. And make them possible.

If you give God the right to yourself,
He will make a holy experiment out of you.
God’s experiments never fail.

Oswald Chambers

Not actually an enjoyable or relaxing journey, to state it mildly.

But along that path, God is proving in a very tangible way the truth of His promise!

When faced with something difficult, if I do it with God… it becomes possible… no matter what it is.

Every situation I have ever found myself in, no matter how great the intensity, how beyond exhausted I am, how overwhelming the flood or how violent the storm… every one of those places becomes a place of possible. Because I face no circumstance without God.

Why is God showing this to me? What impossible circumstances might I face in the future where I need to believe in full confidence that with God, It Will Be Possible?

I’m truly thankful I don’t know.

Possible doesn’t mean smooth or easy, it may simply mean survivable. Endurable. It might not even feel bearable, but everything that you come through alive was made possible.

And every victory strengthens you for the next challenge… it’s like climbing a rock wall. You have to grab one handhold at a time, and inch by perilous inch, you will reach new heights. It’s a process.

It’s exciting to look back and see how many things I’ve made it through with God… and a comfort to trust that no challenge I face in the future will ever be too hard for Him.

“No matter what I face, You’re by my side…” *

Making all things possible.

*lyrics from “Trust in You”

With men, this is impossible, but with God,
nothing shall be impossible.

Matthew 19:26, KJV

Answered Prayers

Published on by JackieLeave a comment

In the last year of my life, there have been so many questions. So many prayers. So many heartcries…

And now, it’s becoming clear that even where I could not see them, there have been So. Many. Answers.

Sometimes, God answers prayer in a far greater way than I ever imagined when I made the request.

A deeper way… a way that feels like He hasn’t heard… like He’s forgotten me, while in reality…

He is working all things together for the greater good.

Because every piece of the story, though they appear so random to me, is connected in the big picture that only God can see. He is weaving each individual thread into one masterpiece.

Lately, that has been made so clear as I examine the the why of suffering.

What if… there’s a purpose for all of it?

What if… this is part of the journey to a beautiful place?

Instead of asking, “Why?” in a tone of anguished defeat, I’m beginning to see all the possibilities in this and ask, “What if?”

And that question is loaded with great potentials, which still create more questions than answers…

But I’m content to rest in the idea that for now, that may be my answer.

To keep asking about the possible good outcomes this could create. To keep seeking them.

Through the challenges I’ve been faced with, I’ve wrestled with questions I never would have thought of asking before.

And the answers to those questions are only found in searching to know more of Who God is.

Now, in the heat of the battle, wrestling, searching, longing, seeking… I am becoming grateful for the gift of this journey.

Because my place in this broken world has been shaken, I’ve gotten homesick for my home… Heaven.

A desire for perfection was written into our hearts when we were born in Eden, but we all know this world is far removed from its original state. That’s why disappointments hurt… our instincts tell us it wasn’t meant to be this way.

But in the everyday moments, when life flows along smoothly, we forget who we are, why we’re here, and where we’re going. We can become quite focused on our earthly lives, and really would be fine with staying quite awhile.

That perspective changes quickly, though, when life holds disappointment.

When we are faced with pain, we remember the reality that we don’t belong here. We belong with Jesus, in Heaven.

And since we can’t go there yet, we seek to walk more closely with Him here… because He has made Himself available to share our lives if we will invite Him in.

Walking intimately with Jesus is like a prelude to Heaven, a security in an uncertain world.

It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever known.

And I wouldn’t have this experience if pain hadn’t made me long for Heaven… and therefore seek Jesus more than before…

I used to wonder why I was created with a deep compassion for those who are suffering, if my life has been so blessed.

I’ve felt the deep desire to walk alongside those who are struggling under the extreme challenges their lives hold… yet I’ve also wrestled with knowing that I haven’t experienced much pain in life. Because of that, anyone who has would be fully accurate if they would accuse me of not having the ability to understand.

For many years, I believed by faith that God is good, but my life circumstances had not seriously challenged that belief.

And now that I’ve personally had to wrestle with that question, I still believe that God is good. More than ever.

But when I say that… it’s so much deeper. Filled with new meaning. Because I have had to search out His goodness in the hard and holy places… and this, I’ve learned, is the sacredness of suffering.

To seek God and discover His goodness in the most unlikely places, and open a whole new journey into the depths of experiencing His greatness.

Now, with the new perspectives I’m given the opportunity to learn, maybe I will become more.

I knew I was lacking, and I wanted to be used for God’s service, but I couldn’t have chosen a way to effectively equip myself.

I wanted a closer experience of knowing Jesus… a greater thirst to understand God’s ways… a deeper journey into His heart.

And although I never would have chosen the methods I see God using to work in my life, I am slowly understanding how suffering can be a gift… because nothing else could cultivate these things in me the way suffering does.

What if Your blessings come through raindrops?
What if Your healing comes through tears?
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You’re near?

Blessings, by Laura Story

What if these tears are to teach me the empathy I knew I was missing before?

What if instead of an ending, this is the beginning of an awesome journey I never could have imagined taking?

What if through loss, life could become filled with so much more?

*photography and design by Jackie, author of this blog. Lyrics on photos are excerpts from “Blessings” by Laura Story.