I’m sitting on my well worn grey sofa after another busy direct care shift, enjoying a few moments of solitude before I go to bed.
My heart is full tonight.
One week ago, I was homesick, wondering what Christmas alone would be like. At work that day, a visitor asked me “How will you like Christmas without my family?”
I blinked back the now-familiar ache of loneliness, and bravely replied, “I try not to over think it. I’m focusing on the real meaning of Christmas, and I’m looking forward to experiencing the Christmas God wants for me here.”
This adorable little lady who I never met before threw her arms around me, and exclaimed “Oh, you dear girl! You are so brave to be sacrificing your time in serving here. I will pray you have a blessed Christmas!”
I went home that night with a warm circle of hope running around my heart…
The next day, I went evangelizing in a train station with a few friends while a choir sang Christmas carols. I had the opportunity to share hope with others who have so much less than I do this Christmas. I have Jesus. He is everything I need.
But I’ve been amazed so often… He gives me so much more.
The choir invited me to join them for the ride home that evening, and old friends introduced me to new ones.
All weekend I was blessed to spend time with good people who I’m gradually getting to know.
And it was so rejuvenating. Exactly what I was needing.
I never realized until I moved to a new area, how hard it would be. How exhausting it is to build so many new relationships.
After visiting home and coming back here, I realized more than ever how much I left behind. If leaving the first time was hard, leaving again was harder…
But faith keeps on. Faith is believing that if God called me here, He has a place for me here.
Faith waits until that place feels comfortable. It takes time until these new relationships form. It takes patience and courage to keep going out and putting in the hard work of getting to know people.
Only now, as I’m settling in and seeing how God is bringing the details together, do I realize just how much of an uphill climb I’ve been on.
But tonight, I’m feeling purely blessed.
Yesterday morning my newly married friend asked me, “What are you doing today? I’m 10 minutes down the road. Can I stop in?”
So I baked cookies while she signed Christmas cards, and we caught up on all the things. It felt so normal, but I paused to thank God for the blessing of living so close to her now. (I mean, it’s still 3 hours, but we used to live in different countries… this feels like a gift!)
This morning I got a message from a friend who was a stranger 6 weeks ago… asking if she could do something with me or if I’m working tonight.
I’m not off this weekend, which she suspected, and her suggestion amazed me: “Can my friends and I come clean your house, then be there to hang out when you get off your shift?”
I had just accomplished all the cleaning, so they said they would wash my dishes instead, and stay until I get home from work.
One hour ago, 5 dear souls left my house. They not only washed my dishes, they brought oodles of snacks for my dorm sister and I… their generosity was incredible.
We had coffee and tea they had made – I had told them to help themselves to whatever they want before I get home, and I was so glad they did.
It’s little things like that that move friendships from “new acquaintances” to comfortable.
And that, I realized, is what I’ve been missing. My friendships at home were comfortable.
I need people to be that comfortable with here.
And God knows that. God has been working it all out, and bit by bit, these friendships have been forming, until suddenly I realize – I am finding my people.
My comfortable place.
My spot to belong here – for the season I’m called to stay.
And I smile as I remember the little lady who prayed for my Christmas to be blessed.
It has been… so blessed that joy is pooling in my eyes and making my chest ache.
How has Christmas alone been?
Thanks to the family of God, I don’t know.
My family and friends back home didn’t forget me. They sent flowers, texts, cards in the mail, and my parents are coming to visit on my day off next week.
And here? I have been amazed at all the people obeying God’s command to love and give. I am finding out for the first time how much support a VSer needs… and the faith it takes to trust God to provide those needs… and the humility needed to receive when others show up to meet the needs in ways I feel undeserving of.
Thank you is becoming a frequently used word – and it holds a ton of meaning.
Spending Christmas away from my family has been a new experience, but it’s been so good.
I can still turn on string lights and listen to Christmas music while baking cookies. I can bring the Christmas feels from home into my world here, drink hot chocolate after work and stay up late watching it snow.
Most importantly, I can worship the One Who brought the best Gift of Christmas, just like I have for years.
But my worship is richer and deeper this year because of the type of Christmas it’s been.
I am learning so much… being loved so well… and feeling so, incredibly blessed.
God is good.
So, so good.
Notes from My Heartsong 