Author: Jackie

I stepped out of my cozy car onto the driveway, high heels on my boots sinking into the soft gravel.

The night was chilly and dark. No stars shone. And it was raining.

How often in life have I been forced out of my cozy comfort zone, to step out into a dark night? And then the rain begins.

Maybe you’ve been there. You don’t see any stars to guide you in the darkness surrounding you… it’s chilly… and then it starts to rain.

Circumstances you would never choose pelt down on you. The ground beneath you becomes less firm as showers of doubt, fear, and anxiety fall around you.

Let’s be real here, most of us don’t enjoy a cold, rainy night.

But this evening, I was inspired by the rain. Because rainfall holds the promise of spring.

Winter has been here so long, and although it’s cold & gray, we’ve gotten comfortable in it. Winter’s frozen, snow-covered landscape is barren, but winter is safe. Because it is familiar… but it’s not where we desire to stay forever, either.

So when I felt the rain, I got excited. Finally! This rainy night, although unpleasant, is vital to ushering in spring.

The snow needs assistance in its departure. The grass needs a nudge to wake up.

Rain holds promise.

So, if you’re existing in what seems to be an endless winter, and now it’s raining…

Don’t lose hope. Hold on.

It may feel like too much if you were already exhausted from the winter, but this rain is what you need to experience to get to the spring.

The only way to win battles is to fight them.

You can’t cross mountains without climbing them.

You won’t reach the other side of the valley without going through it.

And the transition from winter to spring cannot come without the rain.

The arrival of the rain means it’s time for that snow to melt… time for the dormant grass to be watered and spring up…

It might be pouring rain tonight, and so very dark and cold. But night always breaks into morning, and winter always gives way to spring.

The darkest hour comes just before dawn. The rain must fall to melt winter’s snow.

Progress is not made without pain.

So face the rainfall with excitement instead of being crushed beneath the added weight. Spring is nearly here!

“Behold, I will do a new thing, now it shall spring forth, shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.” Isaiah 43:19

and sometimes, the tears just fall.

We can hold them in for a long time. We can become numb to the pain of others around us… we feel the ache inside, but our eyes are dry.

We walk through our own valleys in determined stoicism for a while, wondering if we’re normal not to cry.

Then, when the pressure is too great, the dam bursts open.

Or when we actually stop shutting it out. And take the time to pause, and feel.

For whatever reason, the tears start to flow again. For our own pain. For the struggles of those around us. For all the brokenness in this old world…

And those tears are okay. Because a broken heart will leak… but Jesus can pour His perfect healing into those cracks when they appear.

If our heart is closed to feeling, determinedly unbroken, it cannot release all the heartache stored inside.

When the dam bursts, we are actually in a better place than when we shed no tears at all.

A broken heart… is an open heart.

Those gaping cracks might be painful now, but they are the avenues through which your healing will come.

Jesus will mend your heart in the broken places. It is there He can pour in His love, peace, strength, and comfort.

Some sweet day, some sweet how, the tears will cease.

It may never be in this life, but if we are willing to be broken… to be open… Jesus can make our hearts ready to experience perfect completion. In heaven.

At first glance, there was nothing outstanding about her. She stood in the line ahead of me in the small-town cafe, a petite lady with a weathered face.

I paid little attention to her or anyone else as I ordered and paid for my lavender London Fog.

As I walked toward the door, I saw her sitting at a table alone. Watching me. When I looked her direction, she beamed at me – a warm, heartfelt smile worth a thousand words.

I smiled back, pulled out my phone, glanced at the time… 10 minutes early to pick up my car. I changed my mind about leaving and selected a table instead.

This lady made conversation with a few other patrons, acting genuinely interested in each individual as a fellow human being. And she kept looking my direction, studying me.

Her eyes contained the light of Jesus Christ, and her face was aglow with His love for mankind.

Something in me felt compelled to talk to her… but I didn’t quite know why. I really didn’t have the energy to put into conversation with anyone, let alone a random stranger. But I kept feeling that nudge.

“Why?” I argued. “She looks like she already has Christ in her heart. She doesn’t look as though she needs anything I could give. Do I have to minister to her?”

Finally, I rose to leave. She smiled at me. Again. And started talking.

I stepped closer to her table, wondering why I bothered. Did I really need to know where her son and daughter lived, or how long she had been in this town, or about the fire in a historic building that had been important to her?

But somehow, that conversation kept flowing. Until she said, “What people need, is God.”

I agreed, of course, and next thing I knew she was telling me about her conversion and how faith in God changed her life.

I was thrilled to meet another member of God’s family! But I still didn’t understand why we were even talking.

But she kept speaking, words flowing over her lips so gently, and all the while her eyes shone with love.

“Life really is simple,” she told me, “We humans just complicate it. When we keep our eyes on God, that’s all we need.”

“Sometimes, life is complex,” I answered without thinking. “But you’re right – we need to focus on God.”

She looked me as though she knew that my heart was full of questions. She waited a moment, then spoke again,

“You know, I don’t think God wants us to know all the answers. Because He wants us to trust Him with the answers, and only to say in faith those words, Thy will be done.“

Just like that, I realized why we were having this conversation. God hadn’t sent me to her… He had sent her, to minister to me.

I thanked her with heartfelt appreciation. Told her I believe God sent her to encourage me. That I had seen the light in her eyes immediately when she first smiled, and knew she had Jesus in her heart.

She just smiled knowingly and said, “Sometimes we may meet angels unaware.” We were silent for a moment, then she continued softly, “What you see in my eyes is a reflection of yourself. That appears to you as Jesus, because you also reflect Him.”

I left soon, and she called after me, “We’ll see eachother again!” Oh, the joy on her face. Her wrinkled, beautiful face. I blinked back tears of joy and peace as I went on my way…

Encouraged to press on, and inspired to put in greater effort to entertain strangers in the future.

Today I was blessed by her willingness to be used by God – tomorrow I may be the one called to minister to another soul on their journey.

“Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.” Hebrews 13:2

Have you ever wondered why you’re in a certain situation? Filling a specific role? Walking the pathway you’re on?

I like to suppose I’m not the only human who has wrestled with these questions… and I really don’t think I am.

This morning as I prayed before facing the new day, I was asking God all of that.

“Why me, Lord? I’m not able to fill this role as well as I should. This calling needs someone greater. Why didn’t you choose someone older, with more experience?

“I’m so unsure how, God. I have no knowledge to go on. Why did You choose a novice like me?”

God doesn’t always whisper His answer to our hearts, but this time the message was clear. I understood why it was crucial that it had to be someone inadequate for this place.

“Because you don’t know how of yourself. Then you ask Me.”

My heart was soothed as that realization sank in.

If I’d have years of experience… all the ideas in the world… a college degree… would I lean on God as my sufficiency?

Would I go to Him, as I do now, to say,

“Lord, I don’t know how to fill this role. Will You just work through me?”

He selected me because I don’t know how! He actually desires that I let Him guide me… He’s not asking me to do the job well and show Him what I know.

Some things are complex enough that only God has the skills and wisdom to work effectively.

He needs His inadequate servants in those places…

Because when we reach the end of our own resources, we depend on Him to work in us, for us, and through us.

He chose me, in my inadequacy, so that my emptiness could be filled with His Adequacy!

Nothing of self, Father, fill me with Thee…

Only Your vessel allow me to be.

You only can work all things for our good,

Lord, I am Yours, to serve as I should.

I drove in the once-familiar farm lane. The garden where I once sang, prayed, and worked the hours away was covered in snow, but I could envision my teen self there again.

I passed the building where the visitation was taking place. It seemed so still. I knew that no energetic white-haired lady was directing a squash washing episode inside today…

As I parked my car and stepped out, the sunlit scene appeared so normal. As though five years hadn’t passed at all.

In a flash, memories flooded back. A vibrant, “Well, Hel-LO!” rousing me from my deep thoughts, and she would be right there. Beaming smile and willing hands, ready to dive in and work alongside me.

She loved how the quietness of her little golf cart allowed her to drive right up behind a person before calling out a greeting. Every time I was startled, and every time I shared her delighted amusement before settling in to work together.

I never could keep up to her, but she didn’t seem to mind. She only declared how grateful she was that I could help her busy daughter in law with the workload that summer.

She lived life enthusiastically and loved to create a good time. Yet she was also very compassionate, always sensitive to the needs of those around her.

I felt completely at home with her son’s family, but I didn’t know what my role was to be when she came over. However, she simply adopted me as one of the family, and I soon learned that she always had room in her heart for people.

One morning, when she brought the mail over as she did every day, I heard her ask, “Is your girl homesick? She seems to be enjoying it, but are we taking that for granted?” She was concerned by the amount of cards and letters my friends were sending me.

I was glad to clarify that I was loving my time there.

When the new baby arrived, I was responsible for two little boys who wanted “Mamaaaaa!” to come home… and something in me wanted my mom, too. The door burst open earlier than usual that morning as she entered with a cheery “Good MORning! I wanted to make sure I come early enough to tell you that you don’t have to make lunch. I have a roast in -all you need to do is pack up the boys and come over! We eat at 12. You’re doing an excellent job of everything, but this time I’m going to give you a break!” She trusted me to take care of her little grandsons… yet she also was grandmothering me.

Over the years, her face would light up in pleasure when she saw me at church, and we would always reconnect. She never lost interest in the young woman I was becoming, long after she met me as an insecure teen girl.

I crossed the yard slowly, and I could hear her singing in her extensive flower garden again… laughing joyously at whatever tickled her with amusement at that moment… voicing appreciation for my help with her yard work.

I blinked back the memories as I stepped into the little building.

Everyone she loved was gathered.

She had been the center of all these people… it felt like any moment, I would spot her in the group, flitting from one person to another, enthusiastically welcoming each one.

But as I paused to view her earthly body, the truth came to me clearly. “She is not here.” She was painfully absent, a fact written on the faces of those present.

My heart ached for them, yet swelled with joy when I thought about where she is.

She’s not here… because she’s there!

What more could I wish for a dear friend than to live forever with the King of Kings? Where they have no need of the sun, for God is the Light in that country.

All of the lives she touched will have an empty space… they depended on her. She faithfully served her family. Now she has left to receive her reward.

May we all look to Jesus for our example on how to live, and by God’s grace we can look forward to hearing those words, “Well done, thou good and faithful servant… Enter thou into the joy of thy Lord.”

Steaming mug of coffee in my hand, I glance over my desk.

Daily plan. Math book. Red pen. My blush coloured Boss Lady notebook, faithfully keeping all of my notes and to-dos organized in one place.

I light my candle (a gift from a student) and the gentle scent of twisted candy cane floats toward the door like a warm greeting.

Ah, yes. Ready to be the chaos coordinator in grade 4A for the next few hours.

A quiet sound distracts me from the rhythm of my morning routine, and I turn toward the source.

Little boy giggles.

Two brave (and mischievous) kindergarten littles have tiptoed into the grade four classroom. They stand proudly near the door, silently watching me prepare for the day until their giggles spill over.

When I ask if they would like to try a fourth grade desk for size, to get a glimpse of what life will be like in a few years, their eyes grow round and the giggles fade. I can tell they’re thinking, “Grade FOUR? We won’t be there for a LONG time!”

They look around and giggle again, before marching out the door with satisfied smiles on their delighted, innocent little faces.

I watch them disappear, and a smile spreads across my face as I think, “soon my children will all come tumbling in through that door.”

Any child is welcome in my classroom, any age. I enjoy building relationships with students. Some of my most precious moments happen before the 8:55 bell.

But there’s nothing quite like interacting with the students who are mine.

Knowing that I’m responsible for them. To share the excitement about four wheelers, or the disappointment when the newborn kittens don’t make it.

To teach them academics and life lessons.

Also, to soothe their worries to the best of my ability in all areas. Including reassuring them that human bodies do NOT decay until after death, not even if they were to sit still for a very long time. (No, there is no risk of decaying if you watch an entire hockey game. However, exercise IS good for us.)

I gaze over their rows of desks and in my mind, see each of their faces.

Suddenly, I can hardly wait to get started with the new day.

Welcome, Monday morning.

Welcome, new week with my class.

I walk to my podium and let the grin spread across my face.

I’ve found my little niche in this world.

Snatches of music play through my mind. Lyrics of half composed songs I would love to see completed. If I only had a complete inspiration, instead of snatches here and there. Partial emotions. Brief moments of clarity.

“Hold me, God, when the storm is closing in. When confusion swirls around. When I stand on unsure ground, Oh, be Thou my security! My firm foundation, God. And may my heart be still… and always say, “Amen” to Thy will.”

There are a lot of incomplete things in life, too. I expect it will be that way until my life story reaches completion – the picture will contain unknowns until the last piece clicks into place.

Until then…

“I know that God’s gonna take me through every battle He leads me to…”

“Someone’s praying on the shoreline as you’re fighting in the storm. Someone’s asking God to hold you in the haven of His arms…”

“It is the Hand of Everlasting Love that leads me, gently onward each day in His perfect way. He is leading the way through life to morning, someday, where I’ll be welcomed above by God’s own Hand of Love.”

I may not understand everything God’s hand performs in my life… or why He sometimes shows His abiding Presence as a comfort… yet without providing clarity to the questions I have.

I don’t know why His answer is sometimes “Wait.”

But I know this with deep assurance… God’s not letting go.

“God is working in my life, moving mountains I can’t see, laying out a perfect plan He’s designed just for me…”

“God drew my life map, and saw where I’d fear. He marked each place where He knew I’d shed tears. He knew I’d need Him, close by my side… so He planned to be my Protector and Guide.”

When we go through hard things, God is growing us to handle the revelation of His power when He performs His will.

The value of experiencing God in an ever deepening way makes every battle worth it. Anything that brings me to an increased understanding of His greatness is a gift. No matter how painful it may be to recieve.

“There’s nowhere like a valley for faith in God to grow.”

Without challenges, I wouldn’t make progress or grow…

“I wouldn’t know the tender way He stills a troubled soul. I’d never feel His mighty arms sustain me through the night… I wouldn’t understand the joy when storm clouds break to light!

I wouldn’t know how surrender brings a peace that fills the soul… I wouldn’t learn that Christ alone with strength my heart can fill. I’d never know the mystery of living in God’s plan, in trusting faith to take each moment from my Father’s hand.“

Truly, it is the struggles that become sacred and our hard that becomes holy… because when we reach the end of ourselves, God begins.

He meets us there, and we are never the same.

“I’ll praise my Lord in the valley today, I got to know Jesus better this way. I could have travelled an easier road… but walking this way, God carries my load.”

Truly, God’s not letting go.

So I will hold to faith all through my life… I will hold on to Him.

No matter what comes, may my heartsong of faith continue to sing …

“Even now, I’ll hold on, waiting for the promised Dawn… I’ll hold on and lean on You, even more than ever now.”

Because when I rest in Him, there is unshakeable peace to be attained.

Until the songs in my heart are complete, I’ll keep singing the snatches He sends me…

Lines of truth that remind me, He’s not letting go.

I was a student in my Father’s school today.

I stood behind my podium at the front of my classroom, as usual.

14 children sat in their desks, and the 15th child… was appointed as my teacher by the Schoolmaster, even though the child was unaware.

The lesson was on trusting God.

In his typical thoughtful manner, a nine year old innocently taught me a lesson about my lack of ability to trust.

It began with an object lesson used in all school devotions this morning. The dad who was in charge of devotions called his son up to the front.

He filled a ziploc bag with water and announced that he would poke holes into it while holding it above his son’s head. The child was to stand still and trust his father not to make him get wet.

Many people seemed skeptical. His son looked skeptical. I got the sense that a large number of the student body hoped to see him get wet…

Using a pencil crayon, the first hole was made. And… the pencil crayon was poked all the way through both sides of the bag, and left stuck in there.

No water could leak out… the holes were being plugged as they were made!

We returned to class, and I noticed the pensive look on Thoughtful Child’s face.

Sure enough, the hand was soon raised.

“If he had explained it better, it would have been way easier to trust him. Like, he never said he’d leave the pencil crayons in… He just said he’s going to poke holes in the bag! If he had told us more, we could’ve believed him better.”

Whoa.

A 9-year-old innocently called me out on my struggle with trusting God.

I smiled at my student and replied, “I think that’s the real lesson here. God doesn’t tell us how He’s going to do everything either – but He calls us to trust.”

“Ohhh. That’s true.” Satisfied, Mr. Thoughtful sat down.

My mind, however, was spinning.

God hints at what He’s going to do without showing us every detail of the plan. We see the holes in the bag and conclude that we’re gonna get soaked.

But God never said that what we can see is the complete picture…

Those cracks in the plan aren’t really cracks at all. There is missing information that I don’t have access to…

But God has a plan to stop all the leaks.

The holes I see in the road might have bridges built over them by the time I get there!