Author: Jackie

When life is hard, there are several possible effects.

I could become bitter. No, I have enough pain without hurting myself intentionally. Bitterness will never fix anything!!

I could fight to hold myself together. Not let anyone see. Prove that Christ’s strength in me is great enough to prevent anything from getting me down.

But Jesus wasn’t perfectly composed when facing difficulties. He dreaded the cross with an intensity unknown to us. He doesn’t ask me to be perfectly strong all the time, either.

He only asks me to maintain a strong hold on my faith in Him always, even when I am weak.

So… I could become weak. I could rest in the wave of each emotion, nonresistant. Wait. Allow myself to fully experience this? Not fight it at all, but actually embrace the pain as part of life?

Yes.

But also, give it all to Jesus.

This reaction feels risky. Being weak, giving up the fight, allows my will to be broken.

And that… is where all the beauty begins.

Beauty comes forth from brokenness.

If I give my heart to God, I allow it to be filled with Jesus.

If I humble myself to be weak in His Presence, and give Him every hard emotion I’m hit with, I allow Him to break me.

And then… what a delight!

He will pour Himself into the lives of all I meet, through my cracks.

If I am filled with Jesus and allow myself to be broken, Jesus will spill out of me.

The thought of Jesus’s love flowing freely through me… is humbling. I am unworthy.

But He promises to redeem pain, to use all things for good to His glory.

He always keeps His promises, so I know He will flow through me.

I’m unworthy… it is humbling that He chooses me as His servant… but the image of Jesus flowing through the cracks in my heart is beautiful.

Use me, Lord. Heal me by making me a vessel of Your love to others…

Break me, Lord.

And fill me with Yourself.

So that my brokenness becomes beautiful…

For Your glory.

Amen!

Satan didn’t win.

No matter what the outcome of any battle we fight, through God we can gain the victory… even if we lose.

If this sounds irrational, realize that God and His ways weren’t designed to make sense to us. No, I’m not losing my mind, at least I hope not!

But with some careful analysis, God is guiding me to a deeper understanding of how He works in our lives.

Things happen. We get hurt. Man’s will seems to interfere with the good things we desire. Injustice prevails and wrecks our plans… and it appears that Satan won.

We’re defeated. Out of options. Truth is buried, men are blinded, and we are tempted to say God’s will was not done.

My friends, the curse of Eden is still reality today. Evil is very present. Pain is an expected part of our lives here.

But no matter what you face, Satan can’t win… If you keep your eyes on God.

We see the battle being fought as though it’s for our dreams, for our hopes, for our wants.

The real battle is for our very souls.

Satan can strip us of everything we have in this life, as he did Job. Thankfully most of us never get to that point, but even if you’re there, through God you can win.

In any circumstance, the root of the battle, the determining factor of victory is this: to whom do you belong?

I might not get what I wanted. God might allow blessings to be denied. It can seem like the evil forces trying to prevent good in my life, have gotten their way.

But the real reason these things happen is to shake my faith. Satan doesn’t care that much about what I want. He wants me to turn away from my God.

That’s the definition of victory for him… he’s shaking my hold on my Rock in hopes that I’ll let go.

So when things don’t turn out as I prayed they would, I can still say God won.

God’s will is for me to belong to Him. God’s will is done in all things when I choose to keep holding on.

So, let Satan rage and try to shake us. It’s a part of this life.

But with my eyes fixed on Jesus and my soul hidden in my Rock, God wins every battle.

Through God, I can be victorious in all circumstances.

Praise God for gaining the real victory!

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them that are the called, according to His purpose. Romans 8:28 KJV

How often have I quoted this verse to comfort myself or others? When things get a little rough, it’s easier to put a band aid on the struggle. “It’ll work out for good.” And not spend much time thinking about it.

But when the pain runs deeper, the analysis of “Why?” automatically gains depth as well.

Why, God? Why did You not clear the pathway?

What was Your reason for allowing this experience in life?

What thread of good purpose can You possibly have woven into a story that became bathed in so many tears?

Sometimes, the weight of all those questions nearly consumes me.

Other days, the pain of them leaves me exhausted.

Either way, I was feeling drained and empty yesterday, too tired to even bother asking God my why questions.

I had promised to go out for coffee with a young friend that evening, and as the hour approached, I kept thinking I should cancel.

She needed someone to encourage her, I felt sure. I was equally convinced that my sleepless night & spent emotions had my mind completely empty of anything to offer.

But God kept nudging me to keep the agreement… so I did.

We talked for quite awhile. Somehow, after I made up my mind to be the best empty mentor possible, God took over.

Remarkably, I found things to give. Most of what I spoke was from recent experience… lessons I didn’t yet realize I had learned.

Some of the things I heard coming from my mouth were lessons I see myself learning through this. Still painful truths, and I’m sharing them as wisdom to encourage someone else?!

Maybe God knew I needed that evening as much as my friend. By listening to another’s struggles, I was moved to compassion and asked God to help me find anything I could possibly share as encouragement.

He chose to reveal truths from my most recent experience – she had no idea how recently I’d come face to face with most of the lessons I shared. That some of them settled into clarity for the first time, talking with her.

Inwardly, I rebel. Why am I asked to be a servant? What does life ever give back to me?

But… I’m not entitled to payouts from this life. I’m working for a greater Kingdom.

God used my pain to bless someone else. I’m still drained, but I have found a thread of worthwhile-ness in the story.

I knew in my heart all along that I’d redo it all. I’d go through every step of it again, for the joys, the richness, the personal growth my faith has been challenged to.

But the tears… where can the blessing be in those? I don’t cry easily.

I’m not comfortable crying except in privacy, yet others’ tears never intimidate me.

Sometimes, we need to break. We need to be completely broken – to exhausted to hold ourselves together.

I’m getting accustomed to the cracks in my heart – I think I will eventually learn to appreciate them.

For now, my own heartache runs through them. But they are new avenues for compassion.

I can empathize more deeply with those going through deep waters, only because God is keeping me afloat on my own wild ocean.

There are reasons interwoven in the story.

There will be manifold good appearing in place of these ruins, I am confident.

God allowed Job to be taken to an extremely low point… but read the last chapter of his story. Job ended up much better off than where he began!

With God’s help & by His grace alone, I can maintain my hold on my Rock.

So that some sweet day, some sweet how, I will rise up from this. See the beauty in it. There will be blessings for those around me, and heavenly blessings for myself… all if I allow God to use my brokenness to become avenues for giving.

“Strengthen me to serve, Lord, in joy or in grief. For it is in true servanthood that I am able to find passion and purpose for living. Thank You for writing good into every line of my story, and grant me the eyes of faith to see it revealed to my heart. Amen.”

I’ve owned it for years… a little cross with the words from Nehemiah 8:10 etched on them.

“The joy of the Lord is your strength.”

Eight simple words. A little decorative cross that sat on my dresser for years and resides on a shelf in my classroom now.

But today, those words hold new significance as my heart absorbs them fully…

I can be strong in all circumstances, because I can lean on my Lord. And He is the cause of true joy.

I was born into a blessed situation. All the earthly blessings anyone could desire are mine.

I was raised in the church and gave my life to Christ in my teens, but the affluency I was accustomed to has shaped the way I look at life… until now.

When my dreams and desires don’t work out, it hurts.

People let me down, and my heart breaks with the injustice of it all.

It feels like there’s nothing good in this world, and I start questioning a lot of things.

It’s the most intense circumstances of our lives that shape who we are..

I recall my highschool teacher’s voice explaining that our paradigm is the lens through which we view life, and that our paradigms can shift with life experiences.

The pain of disappointment is enhanced because my paradigm has been wrong. I have held expectations of people and this world in general, that were not accurate.

Many times I’ve been told by well-meaning encouragers, “Life will get better. Good things will come.”

True… it won’t always hurt like this. But reality is, we live in a fallen world.

The people who have hurt me… are human. Why would I expect them not to fail? I fail. We are all just doing the best we know.

The blessings I long for, I am not actually entitled to.

God’s word tells us there is a reward promised for being faithful. I believe that fully. But the idea of life holding roses… yes, sometimes. But that is not actually promised.

God does delight in blessing His people, but reality is that evil exists in this world. And has the power to hurt us.

He could overthrow that, but sometimes chooses not to. He does promise to always be with us, and not even the most evil force can separate us from His love. (Romans 8:38-39)

A day is coming when God will win the war and be in full power forever – the victory is promised! He is waiting though, so we each have the opportunity to choose which kingdom we will be a part of.

It’s so clear now. I am not promised anything in life but Christ, and no reward on earth. But if I hold out faithful, I will be rewarded with eternal life where nothing can ever harm or hurt me again.

My paradigm has shifted, not without grief… but it will be healing.

“Whom have I in heaven but Thee? and there is none upon earth that I desire beside Thee.” Psalm 73:25

The thought of Christ’s triumphant victory… contrasted with the desparate brokenness of this world… brings joy.

No matter what life holds, it is never hopeless. There is always hope – the only hope we’re promised, and a certain hope that Satan can never defeat.

Christ in me… the hope of Glory.

My heart is whispering a song again… “In Christ Alone, my hope is found, He is my Light, my Strength, my Song…”

Paradigm shifts are painful. But they are character building, if I allow the winds to blow me closer to my Shelter, God Almighty.

“When the future looks impossible, God will be my Possible.”

He promises to be my Source of Strength, but sometimes the way looks so dreary I am tempted to question.

When anguish is drowning me, my heart asks, “God, can I really do all things through Christ’s strength?”

I know how exhausted I am now, don’t see things getting any easier… and wonder how I’ll make it through.

But I’ve lived through experiences I thought would break me.

Looking back, I’ve made it only because the moments kept passing… and that is how I can make it through anything.

Moment by moment, I will keep living.

God won’t give me enough strength for my whole lifetime right now… But He will sustain me.

He gives strength for each moment.

One moment at a time, He will carry us.

Life with its heartaches will pass away, moment by moment.

If we remain faithful, He will sustain us until we reach our Eternal Blessing…

Heaven.

Home, sweet Home.

Recently I’ve spent some time looking closely at the story of Esther, with the help of Max Lucado’s “You Were Made For This Moment. “ (I highly recommend the read, by the way… or anything written by him!)

If you’ve read through the Book of Esther in the Bible, you may be aware that it never mentions God.

The plot is intense. The saga includes a king, a young Jewish girl who wins a beauty contest & is made queen, her cousin, Mordecai, and the wicked Haman who hates all Jews.

This story is primed to contain drama, yet when we read the factual account we tend to miss the feelings each person surely had.

I’m sure that emotions ran high throughout the story in the intensity of the situation.

We read about Esther’s actions and get this image of a brave, beautiful queen.

More than likely, she was terrified at times. Probably she questioned why she was chosen to fill that role. Maybe she looked around and wondered how she came to be in the center of such extreme circumstances.

God’s Name is never written in the story, but His Omniscience is woven into every detail.

Does your story contain seasons that feel like a detour from the route you’re wanting to pursue? Situations arise that seem totally unrelated to what you’re dealing with.

There were those times in Mordecai and Esther’s story, too.

In Esther 2:21-23, Mordecai reveals a planned assassination attempt on King Ahaseurus. His deed was written in the book of chronicles, and that was that.

Totally unrelated to Haman’s agenda to kill Mordecai and exterminate the Jewish race, right? So why is it there?

God doesn’t allow random things to happen. Every event of our lives is important in His greater plan for us.

Fast forward to chapter 6, and it begins with saying that the king is unable to sleep. What does he do? Commands the record book to be read to him. And… just like that, he wants to make sure this man was honored for revealing the attempt that was to be made on the king’s life.

The timing is perfect, because who should arrive, but an angry Haman. Except he doesn’t get a chance to speak, because the king is excitedly asking how to treat a man he wishes to honour.

Haman’s day did not go exactly as he wanted it to, and his plans spiraled downward from there.

God orchestrated so many little details to work out His plans and preserve His people…

He Alone can put us in the right place at the right time. If we’re seeking Him, we can rest in the assurance that we’re in the center of His will. Even if it doesn’t appear to make any sense right now, it’s all part of the bigger picture.

And if God seems absent from the situation, like He is absent from the written account of Esther – remember that “He is loudest when He whispers.” (Quote credit to Max Lucado).

God is working in the little details.

Nothing happens by chance or without a purpose.

Wherever we find ourselves in life, we are called only to be humble, honest, and faithful.

God’s taking care of the rest.

I stepped out of my cozy car onto the driveway, high heels on my boots sinking into the soft gravel.

The night was chilly and dark. No stars shone. And it was raining.

How often in life have I been forced out of my cozy comfort zone, to step out into a dark night? And then the rain begins.

Maybe you’ve been there. You don’t see any stars to guide you in the darkness surrounding you… it’s chilly… and then it starts to rain.

Circumstances you would never choose pelt down on you. The ground beneath you becomes less firm as showers of doubt, fear, and anxiety fall around you.

Let’s be real here, most of us don’t enjoy a cold, rainy night.

But this evening, I was inspired by the rain. Because rainfall holds the promise of spring.

Winter has been here so long, and although it’s cold & gray, we’ve gotten comfortable in it. Winter’s frozen, snow-covered landscape is barren, but winter is safe. Because it is familiar… but it’s not where we desire to stay forever, either.

So when I felt the rain, I got excited. Finally! This rainy night, although unpleasant, is vital to ushering in spring.

The snow needs assistance in its departure. The grass needs a nudge to wake up.

Rain holds promise.

So, if you’re existing in what seems to be an endless winter, and now it’s raining…

Don’t lose hope. Hold on.

It may feel like too much if you were already exhausted from the winter, but this rain is what you need to experience to get to the spring.

The only way to win battles is to fight them.

You can’t cross mountains without climbing them.

You won’t reach the other side of the valley without going through it.

And the transition from winter to spring cannot come without the rain.

The arrival of the rain means it’s time for that snow to melt… time for the dormant grass to be watered and spring up…

It might be pouring rain tonight, and so very dark and cold. But night always breaks into morning, and winter always gives way to spring.

The darkest hour comes just before dawn. The rain must fall to melt winter’s snow.

Progress is not made without pain.

So face the rainfall with excitement instead of being crushed beneath the added weight. Spring is nearly here!

“Behold, I will do a new thing, now it shall spring forth, shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.” Isaiah 43:19

and sometimes, the tears just fall.

We can hold them in for a long time. We can become numb to the pain of others around us… we feel the ache inside, but our eyes are dry.

We walk through our own valleys in determined stoicism for a while, wondering if we’re normal not to cry.

Then, when the pressure is too great, the dam bursts open.

Or when we actually stop shutting it out. And take the time to pause, and feel.

For whatever reason, the tears start to flow again. For our own pain. For the struggles of those around us. For all the brokenness in this old world…

And those tears are okay. Because a broken heart will leak… but Jesus can pour His perfect healing into those cracks when they appear.

If our heart is closed to feeling, determinedly unbroken, it cannot release all the heartache stored inside.

When the dam bursts, we are actually in a better place than when we shed no tears at all.

A broken heart… is an open heart.

Those gaping cracks might be painful now, but they are the avenues through which your healing will come.

Jesus will mend your heart in the broken places. It is there He can pour in His love, peace, strength, and comfort.

Some sweet day, some sweet how, the tears will cease.

It may never be in this life, but if we are willing to be broken… to be open… Jesus can make our hearts ready to experience perfect completion. In heaven.

At first glance, there was nothing outstanding about her. She stood in the line ahead of me in the small-town cafe, a petite lady with a weathered face.

I paid little attention to her or anyone else as I ordered and paid for my lavender London Fog.

As I walked toward the door, I saw her sitting at a table alone. Watching me. When I looked her direction, she beamed at me – a warm, heartfelt smile worth a thousand words.

I smiled back, pulled out my phone, glanced at the time… 10 minutes early to pick up my car. I changed my mind about leaving and selected a table instead.

This lady made conversation with a few other patrons, acting genuinely interested in each individual as a fellow human being. And she kept looking my direction, studying me.

Her eyes contained the light of Jesus Christ, and her face was aglow with His love for mankind.

Something in me felt compelled to talk to her… but I didn’t quite know why. I really didn’t have the energy to put into conversation with anyone, let alone a random stranger. But I kept feeling that nudge.

“Why?” I argued. “She looks like she already has Christ in her heart. She doesn’t look as though she needs anything I could give. Do I have to minister to her?”

Finally, I rose to leave. She smiled at me. Again. And started talking.

I stepped closer to her table, wondering why I bothered. Did I really need to know where her son and daughter lived, or how long she had been in this town, or about the fire in a historic building that had been important to her?

But somehow, that conversation kept flowing. Until she said, “What people need, is God.”

I agreed, of course, and next thing I knew she was telling me about her conversion and how faith in God changed her life.

I was thrilled to meet another member of God’s family! But I still didn’t understand why we were even talking.

But she kept speaking, words flowing over her lips so gently, and all the while her eyes shone with love.

“Life really is simple,” she told me, “We humans just complicate it. When we keep our eyes on God, that’s all we need.”

“Sometimes, life is complex,” I answered without thinking. “But you’re right – we need to focus on God.”

She looked me as though she knew that my heart was full of questions. She waited a moment, then spoke again,

“You know, I don’t think God wants us to know all the answers. Because He wants us to trust Him with the answers, and only to say in faith those words, Thy will be done.“

Just like that, I realized why we were having this conversation. God hadn’t sent me to her… He had sent her, to minister to me.

I thanked her with heartfelt appreciation. Told her I believe God sent her to encourage me. That I had seen the light in her eyes immediately when she first smiled, and knew she had Jesus in her heart.

She just smiled knowingly and said, “Sometimes we may meet angels unaware.” We were silent for a moment, then she continued softly, “What you see in my eyes is a reflection of yourself. That appears to you as Jesus, because you also reflect Him.”

I left soon, and she called after me, “We’ll see eachother again!” Oh, the joy on her face. Her wrinkled, beautiful face. I blinked back tears of joy and peace as I went on my way…

Encouraged to press on, and inspired to put in greater effort to entertain strangers in the future.

Today I was blessed by her willingness to be used by God – tomorrow I may be the one called to minister to another soul on their journey.

“Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.” Hebrews 13:2