Author: Jackie

Auntie, school teacher, serving God wherever He calls me.🤍 "Will you let me be your servant, let me be as Christ to you? Pray that I might have the grace to let you be my servant, too."

God Gave Me a Strawberry Patch

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Two short weeks ago, I had just enjoyed my first day of summer vacation and prepared to have a relaxing lavendar bath.

I arrived at the end of the school term, weary, but I made it through. Now I would enjoy a season of rest before diving into summer activities.

I sank into the hot water and bubbles, lazily dreaming about the slower pace life would have now…

Three minutes into my soak, it was cut short by a knock on the door. “Hurry, you’re needed at your sister’s house to babysit!”

Apparently the baby who wasn’t due for another couple of weeks had decided to arrive early, and the two weeks of help which I’d promised my sister would be starting… now.

I got my calendar cleared, my things packed, and before I mentally had switched gears, I found myself moving into a cozy upstairs bedroom at my sister’s house.

I remember asking in the busy whirlwind, “God, what about the rest I was longing for?”

But two weeks later, I haven’t had time to miss that resting.

God gave me an adorable baby nephew.

And because I agreed to take on the job of helping my sister, God also gave me my toddler nephew to take care of… a house to clean… laundry… meals to cook… a garden to keep weed free (LOL – Nice try) and… a strawberry patch. It’s doing well, by the way. It produces endless strawberries.

I never knew the self-discipline that a strawberry patch could instill in me. When I want to stay up late reading, all it takes is the remembrance of those strawberries, and I choose to go to sleep…Because I like to get them picked before my favourite “helper” wakes up. Therefore, I need to get up at a decent time. So there’s none of that summer sleeping in that I looked forward to, but I’m going to bed early! All because of those strawberries.

You know, it’s true. Sometimes a change is as good as a rest.

And God always gives us His very best, according to what He knows that we need.

…And Now it’s “Yesterday”

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The 2022 – 2023 school year has officially ended, and the many golden moments of teaching have been added to history in the timeline of my life.

The last day, a picnic with all the students and parents, was yesterday.

It was all a blur of excited children, appreciative parents, goodbyes to students… and a heart full of emotions.

I never realized how proud I would be when my former students recieved their graduation certificates and diplomas… there were a thousand things I wanted to say. But you can’t prepare a graduate for all of life in one day, so I kept my conversations brief – and enjoyed the youthful gleam of eagerness that shone in their eyes. They’ve learned so much in their school years, from all of us staff who have intentionally and prayerfully poured into their lives… now their school years are yesterday.

And so is my second year of teaching grade 4.

It’s hard to grasp… It’s been a good year. The class was awesome, just like last year’s class, and I enjoyed teaching them.

But it felt like a long year. Somehow I thought I still had time to teach them, but the days disappeared… and now it’s yesterday.

They’ve learned all they will in grade 4. I’ve taught them all I could while they were “mine.”

I have so many great memories of the time I spent with these children.

The days of the “science class giggles,” when everything was humorous, regardless of what the lesson content was. All those afternoons where I either laughed helplessly with them, or wished they’d get over the funnies so I could actually get through the lesson…

The Monday mornings when I either got to or had to lead singing for 4A and 4B… depending on my own energy and inspiration levels, it was at times a joy, at times a chore.

There were moments of frustration when a student who hadn’t been paying attention needed the concept explained again… and just as many moments of delighted satisfaction when a student’s furrowed, concentrating brow was suddenly eased when their eyes lit up with understanding.

Recess was a big part of the year, because it was a time we shared with the other grade 4 class. So many memories were made with the whole crew together… many soccer games, which included many moments of teachers holding our breath and exhaling in relief when potential injuries were avoided… laughing in amusement at our students’ antics… the time one of my “tough” boys suddenly started singing “Jingle Bells,” and the whole class paused playing to join in until the song was finished… recess was so fun with this class. Sure, there were some squabbles to settle, but that’s just a normal part of children interacting and learning to create good relationships!

There were times I thought the year would last forever… there were also times so golden that I wished it would.

But now all of those moments… are part of yesterday.

The mistakes I made as a teacher cannot be undone, the unfinished lessons can’t be completed – the moments are written into yesterday as they occurred.

But the goals that were achieved, the maturing and growth that occurred, any positive influence made – these also won’t be undone. They are a part of yesterday.

And whether I was ready for it or not, the last day of school is over.

Now all that’s left to do is reflect on the memories, let my heart ache with the goodbyes, and then… begin the process of rejuvenating myself to do it all again next year.

Yesterday is gone.

The tomorrow of the next school term won’t be here until September…

And today is the first day of summer break.

It’s time to Live Today and see what God writes into this chapter!

A Friend Who “Gets It”

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Lately, words have been inadequate to express all the depth of feeling within me.

And for me, both talkative and a writer, that is one of the worst limitations I can experience.

Sure, I still have heart to heart conversations with my dear people. My journal has not been neglected. But the words I have aren’t sufficient to provide an outlet for everything that’s inside.

So I keep doing my best. I share bits of my heart, to the best of my ability. But I know it’s not an accurate presentation. It’s incomplete. Others can’t feel what my heart feels, so they can only go by what they hear me speak in words.

They respond in true, loving, kindness, and I am grateful for that. But sometimes, because I can’t fully express the depths of my heart, their words don’t match the fulness of the need.

And there are days when my whole heart longs for someone to just “get it!”

Someone to actually fully understand me. Every emotion, every heartcry, and the reason for each one.

I’m extremely thankful and blessed to have those in my life who try. They ask. They patiently listen as I do my best to explain.

But those are the times I realize, I can’t always even understand myself.

That’s why I lack the words to explain, because I can’t figure out my own self at times.

Sound familiar?

I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who has struggled through a season of life with a messy heart.

That’s why I’m sharing this – it’s my prayer that you can be encouraged with the same precious knowledge that I cling to.

There IS a Friend Who knows.

Who gets it, fully.

He doesn’t even need you to explain it to Him in words, though He loves to listen anytime you need Someone to talk to.

He won’t ever accidentally say or do the wrong thing. He knows exactly what your heart needs.

He understands you completely when you’re weary of trying to understand yourself.

So if you’re tired of trying to figure out what you need, just ask Him. He knows. And He promises to provide whatever it is that you need to sustain you in the moment.

You only need to ask Him. He’s got the rest.

This Friend is the only One Who can truly understand your heart… because He made it.

His Name is Jesus.

He’s been through every form of trial we can imagine… your pain is not foreign to Him.

He’s able to understand because He’s walked this road before.

So allow yourself this rest. Stop trying to find another human who “gets it,” or searching for the right words to MAKE them get it.

Jesus gets it.

Jesus gets you.

And He’s got you… safely in His hand.

Proof of a Promise

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…with God all things are possible. Matthew 19:26 KJV

Amen!

This promise is TRUE, as are all of God’s promises.

But… why does He need to prove it?

What if I just wanted to believe that one by faith?

So often our faith is weak, and we just want God to demonstrate His power. To act out His promises in a real way, that we can actually experience.

But this promise?

With God all things are possible.

Do we really want God to prove that one to us?

At first glance, sure! “Yeah, show me the great things You can work out for me! That sounds wonderful!”

but… take a closer look.

With God.

All things.

Are possible.

When God starts demonstrating the truth of this statement, it doesn’t feel like special favour.

It doesn’t look like the revelation of a promise.

Because the only way for God to prove that statement is… to lead me through the very things that to my view, are impossible. And make them possible.

If you give God the right to yourself,
He will make a holy experiment out of you.
God’s experiments never fail.

Oswald Chambers

Not actually an enjoyable or relaxing journey, to state it mildly.

But along that path, God is proving in a very tangible way the truth of His promise!

When faced with something difficult, if I do it with God… it becomes possible… no matter what it is.

Every situation I have ever found myself in, no matter how great the intensity, how beyond exhausted I am, how overwhelming the flood or how violent the storm… every one of those places becomes a place of possible. Because I face no circumstance without God.

Why is God showing this to me? What impossible circumstances might I face in the future where I need to believe in full confidence that with God, It Will Be Possible?

I’m truly thankful I don’t know.

Possible doesn’t mean smooth or easy, it may simply mean survivable. Endurable. It might not even feel bearable, but everything that you come through alive was made possible.

And every victory strengthens you for the next challenge… it’s like climbing a rock wall. You have to grab one handhold at a time, and inch by perilous inch, you will reach new heights. It’s a process.

It’s exciting to look back and see how many things I’ve made it through with God… and a comfort to trust that no challenge I face in the future will ever be too hard for Him.

“No matter what I face, You’re by my side…” *

Making all things possible.

*lyrics from “Trust in You”

With men, this is impossible, but with God,
nothing shall be impossible.

Matthew 19:26, KJV

Heartcry for Eden

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It was an idyllic day.

Ferns overhead, a tropical plant waving gently…

My hair, just washed, blow-drying in the breeze and bleaching under the brilliant, warm sunshine…

A dream-come-true table and chair set from a yard sale, refurbished from its faded black to a fresh white…

It’s a nearly perfect afternoon, to any casual onlooker.

My heart knows though, that the aura of perfection is only temporal…

Truly, there are little glimpses of Eden to be found in this world, and that setting was liberally sprinkled with them.

God sends us just enough hints of what is to come, to give us strength to keep on walking.

But still, the reality is: we’re not Home yet.

This is not Eden, here with the plants, the sunshine… the tears.

And my heart, my aching, tender heart, pouring itself out through my fingers on the keys.

Because sometimes, words just can’t explain.

I try. I love using words.

I tell God all about it… to the best of my ability… but sometimes, words fail.

They’re not the language of the heart…

And when my heart is crying out to God, words aren’t always enough.

That’s why I’m so grateful that where words fail, music speaks.

And I can let my fingers drift over the keys, capturing the depth, the fullness, the beauty, the richness of everything in my heart.

No sheet music needed. It’s a song I’ll never play exactly this way again. There are no lyrics.

But it holds a raw kind of beauty, because each chord is held in the deepest places of my heart.

It’s my heartsong…

A heartcry…

Which the Father hears as a prayer.

When words lack the adequacy to express all that’s felt within our souls, music captures the depth of each emotion and wings our heartcries to the Father.

Jackie, May 2023

Answered Prayers

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In the last year of my life, there have been so many questions. So many prayers. So many heartcries…

And now, it’s becoming clear that even where I could not see them, there have been So. Many. Answers.

Sometimes, God answers prayer in a far greater way than I ever imagined when I made the request.

A deeper way… a way that feels like He hasn’t heard… like He’s forgotten me, while in reality…

He is working all things together for the greater good.

Because every piece of the story, though they appear so random to me, is connected in the big picture that only God can see. He is weaving each individual thread into one masterpiece.

Lately, that has been made so clear as I examine the the why of suffering.

What if… there’s a purpose for all of it?

What if… this is part of the journey to a beautiful place?

Instead of asking, “Why?” in a tone of anguished defeat, I’m beginning to see all the possibilities in this and ask, “What if?”

And that question is loaded with great potentials, which still create more questions than answers…

But I’m content to rest in the idea that for now, that may be my answer.

To keep asking about the possible good outcomes this could create. To keep seeking them.

Through the challenges I’ve been faced with, I’ve wrestled with questions I never would have thought of asking before.

And the answers to those questions are only found in searching to know more of Who God is.

Now, in the heat of the battle, wrestling, searching, longing, seeking… I am becoming grateful for the gift of this journey.

Because my place in this broken world has been shaken, I’ve gotten homesick for my home… Heaven.

A desire for perfection was written into our hearts when we were born in Eden, but we all know this world is far removed from its original state. That’s why disappointments hurt… our instincts tell us it wasn’t meant to be this way.

But in the everyday moments, when life flows along smoothly, we forget who we are, why we’re here, and where we’re going. We can become quite focused on our earthly lives, and really would be fine with staying quite awhile.

That perspective changes quickly, though, when life holds disappointment.

When we are faced with pain, we remember the reality that we don’t belong here. We belong with Jesus, in Heaven.

And since we can’t go there yet, we seek to walk more closely with Him here… because He has made Himself available to share our lives if we will invite Him in.

Walking intimately with Jesus is like a prelude to Heaven, a security in an uncertain world.

It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever known.

And I wouldn’t have this experience if pain hadn’t made me long for Heaven… and therefore seek Jesus more than before…

I used to wonder why I was created with a deep compassion for those who are suffering, if my life has been so blessed.

I’ve felt the deep desire to walk alongside those who are struggling under the extreme challenges their lives hold… yet I’ve also wrestled with knowing that I haven’t experienced much pain in life. Because of that, anyone who has would be fully accurate if they would accuse me of not having the ability to understand.

For many years, I believed by faith that God is good, but my life circumstances had not seriously challenged that belief.

And now that I’ve personally had to wrestle with that question, I still believe that God is good. More than ever.

But when I say that… it’s so much deeper. Filled with new meaning. Because I have had to search out His goodness in the hard and holy places… and this, I’ve learned, is the sacredness of suffering.

To seek God and discover His goodness in the most unlikely places, and open a whole new journey into the depths of experiencing His greatness.

Now, with the new perspectives I’m given the opportunity to learn, maybe I will become more.

I knew I was lacking, and I wanted to be used for God’s service, but I couldn’t have chosen a way to effectively equip myself.

I wanted a closer experience of knowing Jesus… a greater thirst to understand God’s ways… a deeper journey into His heart.

And although I never would have chosen the methods I see God using to work in my life, I am slowly understanding how suffering can be a gift… because nothing else could cultivate these things in me the way suffering does.

What if Your blessings come through raindrops?
What if Your healing comes through tears?
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You’re near?

Blessings, by Laura Story

What if these tears are to teach me the empathy I knew I was missing before?

What if instead of an ending, this is the beginning of an awesome journey I never could have imagined taking?

What if through loss, life could become filled with so much more?

*photography and design by Jackie, author of this blog. Lyrics on photos are excerpts from “Blessings” by Laura Story.

“I Want to Go Across”

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Surrounded by the playful shouts of running children, standing in the sunshine on the school playground, I inhaled slowly.

Exhaled.

Willed myself to forget my exhaustion and inner pain, and focus on the idyllic scene all around me.

Pain doesn’t disappear at command, apparently.

But joy can be sought and found, which I have discovered to be an effective method in getting through difficult times.

So once again, I determined to shift the focus from coping with these emotions, to seeking a reason to smile.

(Sometimes, we do have to walk through the messiness in our hearts. But there are times and places, like at school when you’re the teacher, that you need to be able to effectively distract yourself so that you can function well in your role.)

I turned slowly and took in everything… the area filled with running children, the delighted shrieks and giggles coming from the swings, the little boys so intensely committed to their baseball game…

Amid all the action, I noticed a child standing not far behind me.

All by herself, a post of the playground nearly hid her from my sight.

I stepped toward her, and the wispy, blonde ponytailed head peeked out.

Blue eyes held my gaze with a reproachful stare.

“How’s your day in kindergarten been so far?” I began.

“Good!” She replied instantly.

Hmmm. Okay, but she’s not playing with the others and doesn’t look too happy about something… I decided to try another tactic.

“Would you like to play with the others?”

Very sweetly, but with 5 year old confidence, she answered in the negative.

“Are you enjoying your recess, just relaxing here?”

“No.”

O-Kay! This time, her negative answer held an accusing tone.

“I’m sorry to hear that – can you tell me why?”

Again, Miss Tiny’s confident voice sounded accusing. A little arm stretched up and pointed at the swinging rings on the playset as she declared, “I want to go across.”

“I’ve been waiting,” she added. “And no one came to help me.”

I patiently apologized, assured her I would be glad to help, now that I knew she wanted to go across.

In my mind, I thought, “And this is why I’m not a kindergarten teacher. Like – how long would she have waited if I hadn’t seen her there? Here I’m feeling terrible for not noticing sooner, yet she could have told me!”

As she beamed down at me while I guided her from one ring to the next, I was still exasperated and amused inside. May God bless all kindergarten teachers with wisdom to read the minds of their students… and understand without being told when they “want to go across.”

Suddenly, it was like God turned the lights on and revealed the purpose for this little exchange. Just like that, I saw myself.

Timidly standing at the bottom of the steep mountain range, stubbornly refusing to ask anyone for help.

Just waiting.

Wondering where God is, and when He’s going to show up to help me navigate this.

Sure, He knows what I need and can read my thoughts before I tell Him. But even when I can predict what a student needs by the desparate jabbing of their hand in the air, I still appreciate when they use their communication skills to tell me. Does God not desire me to do the same?

His Father-Heart wants connection with me, and that is formed when I speak to Him in prayer.

He desires my expression of trust in coming to Him and saying, “I can’t do this alone… I need Your help.”

He loves when I acknowledge Him for Who He is, and admit that I’m at the end of myself.

I set the little girl safely on the platform after helping her across, and as she runs off to play, I smile at the retreating ponytail that bounces with her steps.

A little child shall lead them…

I returned to the place I stood before, no longer hugging myself so tightly as if trying to hold my fragile heart together.

It’s time to stop staring at the mountain and wondering how to get over it.

I’m done pacing in circles at the foot of it, asking why God hasn’t taken it away.

That simple exchange at recess was designed by a Divine Hand to show me what I need to do…

I stretched out my hands and whispered,

“God, I want to go across.

I’m sorry I didn’t tell You sooner, and that I just kept asking You why You haven’t come to go up the mountain with me. You’ve been here waiting to start the climb, just patiently waiting until I humble myself to acknowledge my need.

So here I am now, God. I know I’m too weak to climb this by myself. Will You help me?

I want to go across.”

Before Morning Comes

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If you’ve ever spent the wee hours in wakefulness, this one is for you.

Yes, you, the one tossing and turning, wishing to sleep, or wishing for the night to be over, longing for morning to come and end this fight for rest…

Join me. I’m awake, too. And so is God.

Typically, I’m blessed with the gift of sleep… but I have had enough times where I’m unable to sleep that I definitely cherish a good night’s rest as a gift.

I’m on a personal journey right now of learning to look for the good in each moment God allows in my life. His will for us is His gift to us, and I am determined to discover the hidden blessing even in the challenges. However, nights of waking up at 1 or 2 am throw a decent curveball into that ambition…

Exciting as it was to stay up late at sleepovers when we were kids, we all know that unwanted wakefulness through the wee hours is no fun.

When your mind is exhausted, the sun is long gone from view, and you stare into the darkness, longing for morning… any problems you have become larger, and you might even start to imagine problems you don’t have.

This is real.

Satan loves to tempt us when we’re alone and exhausted.

Do you dread those night hours? Do you fear the battle, when the hours slip by painstakingly slow, and you can do nothing but endure?

While you’re waiting for the morning to come, rest in these truths.

You are never alone. God never sleeps and He is with you.

Morning will come. It seems to take forever, but every moment, it is closer.

Sleeplessness is a gift.

Wait. What?! Yes, dear friend, you read that correctly. It doesn’t feel like a gift, especially not at 5 am when you’re blogging to pass the time, wondering how to survive the next day that is now alarmingly close…

But God has been faithful to open my eyes since I asked Him to show me the good in all things.

God of the day is very much Present in the long, lonely nights. If you can gather the strength, get up and find a window. Gaze at the stars, and God will feel closer. Experience His greatness.

This has often been my way of getting life back into perspective, but the other night, I couldn’t see the stars when I looked for them. They were hidden completely by clouds… feeling discouraged, “God, why clouds tonight? I needed to see the stars!”

Well, He didn’t change the view in the sky… but I was suddenly impressed by the fact that when those clouds blow away, the stars will still be there. That even in the moments I can’t see them, they are each in their divinely appointed place.

And God whispered to me, that even when clouds of disappointment hide the good in my story, it is there. As He planned it. And when the clouds disappear, I will see it.

That night, I learned more by not seeing the stars than if I had seen them. But I was glad to be comforted by their beauty again tonight.

I used to fear being awake in the night, because of all the ways the enemy tries to get me down.

But realizing that God is also present in the night, always close to me and with me, helps immensely.

So, these hours must have some good use, or God wouldn’t ask me to live through them. No moment in our stories is intended to be wasted time, so what good purpose does God want me to accomplish at 4 am? Well, I have lots of time to think about it, and He did reveal a few good things to me.

When I’m utterly tired, my heart is more open. More ready to listen to Him, too exhausted to hold on to any stubbornness. I’m finding that the Bible speaks to me in deeper, more personal ways in the wee hours than when I am awake, choosing how to apply it.

Prayer is also a closer communion than in the day, because between 12 and 5, there’s just me and God. No schedule to rush off to. No distractions. Just the hours to pass while waiting for the gift of sleep… and meanwhile, enjoying the gift of closeness to God.

We do need physical rest to function, but God has promised to always provide what we need.

I’m learning that His definition of my needs doesn’t always match mine. I want 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep and a clear mind…

He gives me 3 hours and then provides His strength to lean on. Somehow, I make it through the day. He always provides.

God’s ideal level for me to function at also looks different than mine sometimes. I have a life to live, a class to teach, a calendar full of events…

And sometimes, less sleep is what it takes to get me to slow down. To take a rest. Or worse, I’m forced to ask others for help. Admitting when I’m not able to manage everything… that takes great effort and humility.

It turns out, if I can wrestle down the “I’m perfectly fine” attitude and humble myself to accepting the help of others, people are generally more sympathetic than judgemental. God provides those people to be there, because He knows I will need them.

God provides what we need. Not always in the way we imagine, but He Who knows our needs best, can best provide for them.

So, dear friend… look to the skies.

Watch the stars, or if it’s cloudy, rest in the knowledge that they are there. Just as surely as God is with you even though you can’t see Him, and there’s good in this experience though it’s still veiled by clouds.

While you’re waiting for morning, enjoy the gift of communing with God. Your tiredness allows you to be weak enough to surrender to Him.

Less, “why, God? I thought…” And more “okay, God. Your way is best.”

God isn’t forgetting about you, awake in your bed while the world is asleep. He sees. He’s listening to your prayers, and He will speak to you if you listen.

Night can be a very precious time, if we just focus our eyes on God.

And my dear friend, hold on. The sun will rise.

No Mistakes

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When someone asks me, “What’s your occupation?” I reply, “I’m a grade four teacher.”

I don’t say, “Ringleader of the circus in Grade 4A.”

“Zookeeper.”

“Part time mom of 15 nine year olds.”

“Babysitter, mentor, nurse, peacemaker, and in general, chaos coordinator.”

People don’t expect to hear those things… so I describe my role as “teacher.” Because teacher is a commonly used word to describe the tallest person in any given elementary classroom.

(It’s also a lovely, professional-sounding term for the job – a job which is really more like an unpredictable adventure you get to embark on every day. 😉)

Heads nod. “Ohhh, you teach school. Nice.”

So yes. I teach.

I prep oodles of lessons, explain concepts, guide discussions, correct mistakes.

But I’m really just the student with the largest desk.

Teaching means passing knowledge on to others. Sharing truths. And sometimes, they teach me.

They spout comments that are packed with wisdom. They ask questions that challenge me to examine what I believe, and why. I never know when I answer a raised hand just what I’ll hear…

Recently I was attempting to teach a science lesson on the human ear. Amid an extreme case of giggles affecting the class (apparently ears – specifically the auricles – are incredibly hilarious), I saw a hand raised that was not accompanied with that mischievous twinkle.

Hoping to get the lesson back on a more orderly foot, I called on that student. The question was much more serious than I had expected.

“Why would God not design someone’s ear to work right? If He doesn’t make any mistakes, why does He make deaf people?”

Ouch. Swallow. I walked to my desk and sat on the front edge of it before answering.

(That’s my position for deep discussions. Out from behind my podium or desk, no barriers between us… sitting down as one of them. By sitting on my desk, I still have a bit more height so I assume the role of leading the conversation, without appearing too authoritative.) *And yes, I have been told I overthink things!😄

My mind was spinning. She said, “IF.” “If God doesn’t make mistakes, why…”

The class leaned forward in anticipation. Me sitting on my desk was a signal that were going to spend some time off topic… I’m opening a class discussion on a side lesson I feel is important. And they were all waiting for an answer.

These children had no idea what I was dealing with that day. That their teacher was also wondering why God allows bad things, when He is good. But a child in my class has asked “if God doesn’t make mistakes, why…?”

It wasn’t about the human ear, or deafness. This question mattered, because there was an if where there should have been an absolute. As a Christian educator, I am called to teach the truth about God.

But really? “God, You want me to teach this concept… now?”

I realized I’d been asking the same question and not facing it. Denying it’s existence in my heart, instead of wrestling with it as I should. And now, a roomful of expectant faces waited for my answer, and I knew with conviction there was only one thing I could tell them.

But how could I explain it, while wrestling with it in so much pain myself?

I took a deep breath, asked God to provide words, opened my mouth and plunged in.

“First of all, I want you all to know that God does not make mistakes. Ever. There’s no if… God makes no mistakes.”

Faces relaxed. They’d been taught this, and their childlike impression of God’s character was just reaffirmed by someone they trust. (This role allows me to impact children so much it’s terrifying! They believe whatever I say – I need to speak carefully, wisely, and truthfully!)

But I couldn’t leave the answer there. I’d clarified the “if”, but it would soon be back if I didn’t explain the “why?”.

I found myself explaining how God originally designed everything to be perfect. We went back to Eden, and then the fall of man. “If everything would be perfect now,” I went on, “then we’d still be in Eden. It’s because of us, our sin, that things aren’t perfect.”

“But one thing didn’t change, and that is God’s love for us. We have to live in a broken world now, where bad things happen, people die, plants decay, and yes, sometimes babies are born deaf. But God doesn’t leave us to live through it alone. So when He plans each life, He sees where the imperfections are. He sees the parts that will hurt us and be difficult for us, and He writes His love into every line of story. He never allows anyone to experience something that He isn’t strong enough to help them handle – He plans exactly how much we each can manage, and faithfully carries us through the life He gives to us. So although bad things do happen, they aren’t just random. God is in control, and He loves us enough to help us through all the hard things we face. When God allows a hard thing, it is never a mistake – He plans every detail of our lives carefully and lovingly.”

I don’t know how much they understood… or if they’ll remember this in the middle of their young adulthood struggles 10 years from now. I hope that the concept will at least remain and build their faith.

But I think God allowed that question for me. By forcing me to pause and face that question, knowing I would struggle to answer it myself… He spoke through me to my students when I asked Him to, and therefore impressed the truth on my aching heart as well.

God never makes mistakes.

The girl who adamantly said that teaching is the last occupation on earth she would consider… was taken on a bumpy career journey which eventually landed her behind a teachers desk.

Years later, in a difficult season, she finds herself being taught the truths her heart needs through the precious students God placed in her life.

Yes, He had it all planned to place me right here, this moment. Every event, both painful and good, contributed to God’s perfect plan for my life… and this will continue as He writes my story.

Because I can say and believe with joy,

God never makes mistakes!

Reformation

Published on by JackieLeave a comment

Repair. Rebuild. These words are familiar to me. They’re comforting words – they speak of restoration. A returning to what was, making whole and strong again.

But lately another concept has filled my mind.

Reformation.

Reform… to literally be formed again.

I’ve been broken before. It hurts. My plans get a few cracks, my heart ends up a little bruised, but Jesus repairs. He mends the broken places and life goes on. There might be a few battle scars, but overall, I am still me. Life is still familiar. And I realize, the pain was worth it. After I’m repaired, I see that it is Good.

Sometimes, an event has left me shattered. The pain goes deep. My heart isn’t only bruised, it’s in pieces. My plans break apart. They aren’t only cracked, they’re no longer in one piece.

But Jesus, the Carpenter from Nazareth, loves to rebuild. He takes all the pieces and fits them back together. It might not look quite like the original, but it is beautiful. After He rebuilds my life, I see that everything worked out for Good.

But what if I’m totally crushed? What if I’m way beyond cracked and bruised? More than shattered – because the pieces of me, my plans, and my life aren’t even recognizable? No hint of the original remains.

What then?

You can’t glue something back together if you don’t even have pieces to work with. If they’re crushed into fine powder, what then?

Thankfully, God isn’t limited to repairing or rebuilding things. He isn’t only a Carpenter, He is a Potter.

He wants to re-form me.

Dust and water are necessary to make clay…

Clay can be molded into beautiful, brand new vessels – completely different than the original.

There may be slight similarities, sure. Still made of clay. Still a vessel to be filled with any given substance. But, new.

Crushed lives, dreams, and identities may appear hopeless. But they are filled with vitality when saturated with the living water of God’s love!

God isn’t finished with me, with my life. His purpose for me is ever unfolding, and the same is true for you who reads this.

I don’t like being crushed. I’m afraid of the waves of pain that break over my head at times and almost push me under.

But… I do kind of like the idea of being reformed.

What’s God going to make my life into? How will He shape me through this?

If this crushing is necessary to produce the dust God needs to work with, I’ll relax into the ride. Let the waves toss me… let the Master Potter breathe life into me and shape me in His skillful hands…

And someday I’ll look back and realize, He has made me gloriously NEW!

I will have the same key features of course. Human. A vessel to be filled with Jesus. But oh, I hope I’m able to carry more of His love for others. I hope I will be formed in a way that reveals more of Him and less of me.

Am I enjoying this place in life? Not. At. All.

But there shines a brilliant light of hope in the darkness when I think about being drastically reformed.

Not only a minor repair job. Not being rebuilt into a similar structure. Complete reformation promises an exciting surprise of, “what will it be?!”

God has repaired me, and hurt has become good.

God has rebuilt me, and pain has been replaced with joy.

But now, God is reforming me, and dust will become alive! Just as He made it to be so in Genesis… and promises in Revelation… from cover to cover in the Bible, God delights in creating newness from humble beginnings.

I have faith that I’m not permanently going to be crushed.

I am in the hands of God, the Giver of new life… and I am in the process of being Re-Formed.

The intensity of the current pain gives me hope… that the new creation of God’s design for my life will be extraordinarily beautiful.

Behold, I am making all things NEW!

– God, Revelation 21:5 ESV –