Tag: Life

Because of Love

Published on by JackieLeave a comment

Someone asked me a question a few days ago that’s still circling in my mind.

Sharing a traditional American Thanksgiving meal, the table conversation drifted to the mission program I recently joined.

“So – why this mission? Why did you leave everything and move here to this specific mission?”

I honestly didn’t have an answer on the tip of my tongue. Nothing concise and intelligent sounding, anyway.

Why did I come, anyway?

Why, when it tore my heart to pieces to leave my little nephews and nieces behind?

Why, when going to church every Sunday morning reminded me for weeks that my home congregation is far away?

Why, when I had so many close friends around me, did I move here where I have to build new relationships?

I didn’t say any of that, I simply told the story of how God aligned people and events to guide my steps here.

The shortest answer to the question really is, “God clearly called me here. I knew its where I’m meant to be for this season of life.”

But it’s so much more.

Maybe it’s because a resident prayed every day for over a year that I would get my visa approval, so that I could volunteer here.

Maybe it’s because of a young lady who just moved in and needs someone to teach her how to pray. She wants to tell Jesus her thoughts but isn’t sure how. Maybe it’s the joy of demonstrating to her that she can talk to Him like a friend in the room – and seeing her eyes light up as she discovers a new way to communicate with God.

It might be because of the opportunity to walk with someone to their table in the dining room, so that they don’t have to go alone.

Or the laughter around the piano when Christmas carols go waaaay off key – but no one judges anyone for that, because every voice in our choir is making a joyful noise to the Lord.

Maybe I came here to listen to hearts who are missing parents who have passed away. I know my heart is full with emotion when I hear, “Thanks for taking time to talk today, Jackie. It made me feel better.”

I know I came here for the bedtime prayers. To see tears of happiness on weathered cheeks when they hear me thanking God for creating them to be who they are.

I came here to say I love you. To say it often, because they don’t hear it enough. Sometimes I hear a soft whisper, “I love you, too.”

Other times I learn new things about myself. For example, I am useless, fat, stupid – and a chatterbox. I don’t mind. I rather enjoy seeing what they’ll come up with to call me next 😉 and, we all need to vent somewhere. I’m one of the only faces some of these people see in a day – of course they’ll vent the frustrations of life on me. Maybe I came here to be their listening ear, too.

When I think about why I came here, and all the things that fill my heart to overflowing every day, I know why I’m here.

I came because of love.

Because Jesus loves me.

Because I love Him.

And His love is the kind that fills a heart until it overflows.

If we love Him, we will love others – wherever He calls us to love, we will go.

And that’s why I’m here.

That’s why I could leave my family, my church, my friends, my home.

That’s why my heart could hurt, without breaking.

Because it wasn’t rooted in any of the things I left. It’s rooted only in love – in Jesus – and so it can survive any transplanting.

I can go where He leads.

I can be stretched painfully through a transition season and still be filled with His love.

Why did I choose this particular mission?

Because these precious people – these lonely, forgotten souls – are so thirsty for love.

It’s the best place to pour my overflowing heart.

Boxes

Published on by JackieLeave a comment

I have never liked them.

People have always told me I have a very large box.

I’ve always liked to think outside of the box.

I don’t like square or even numbers, because, well… I don’t really have a good reason, but odd numbers just always have a better ring to them than box-like, rigid, square numbers.

But regardless of how I feel about boxes, lately they are creeping into my life.

We’ve been saving boxes, and just now I put a reminder in my phone to bring boxes to school tomorrow.

This afternoon I opened my desk drawers that have held a wild assortment of things for the past few years… and I organized those things into the dreaded boxes.

My desk is slowly being emptied, and it no longer looks familiar inside.

Soon the walls of my classroom and every one of the cabinets and shelves will follow suit, with no trace left of my things.

With the arrival ofthe boxes, my teaching career is going to get packed up and carried out the door to make space for the person who will take on my role here next year.

I wish that were the end of my experience with boxes, but they’re not going to leave me just yet.

The same thing has been happening right in my house.

I am throwing out worn out socks, donating rarely-worn clothing to the thrift store, and in general, organizing everything I own…

And this sorting and trashing and minimizing of my wardrobe is all in preparation to put my personal possessions into… more boxes.

Said boxes will then be loaded into my unsuspecting car, and I will drive several hundred kilometers to the place I’ll begin my next season of life.

I have 86 days left to get everything done… there are a lot of boxes left on my to-do list to get checked off before I’m ready to move and begin my term of VS.

And every one of these boxes are taking over my comfortable life and screaming “change” at me in undeniable truth!

Something in me that longs for stability is rebelling at the unsettled feeling every box of things creates, even as I keep packing items into them.

It’s not that I don’t want to go. I do. I’m genuinely excited about the opportunity God is calling me to, and can hardly wait to start serving Him there!

But I am looking forward to a time about 6 months from now, when the boxes are all unpacked, moving day is a few months in the past, and I’m settled into my life there.

I’m ready to move on… I’m ready to get started in the next season… it’s the leaving and the starting that’s hard on my heart.

I know God will fill the next season with good things. He called me there and will equip me with grace for every change. I know He will be my Faithful, Unchanging Guide every step of the way.

It’s simply this transition season that I dislike. And the boxes, simply for symbolizing every bit of change that’s happening all around me!

Even though I was praying for an open door to move forward into something new, and was so excited to step out in faith, now that school’s almost out I’m realizing something.

I’ve been pretty comfortable here… more than I ever knew… here in my predictable little box.

And maybe, I like being in a box – at least somewhat – much more than I thought.

The Importance of Following Bunny Trails

Published on by JackieLeave a comment

If you have ever sat in my class, you may have noticed I am a “bunny trails teacher.”

I’ve tried to curb the habit, because obviously we have routines to keep, deadlines to meet, assignments to complete.

But in the years I’ve taught, I’ve quietly told myself that some bunny trails are important. Sometimes, answering that off-topic question will mean more to them in life than if we finish the math lesson today or tomorrow.

It’s not something I’ve actually spent much time intentionally thinking about, until yesterday. I was chatting with some upper grade girls at lunch, who were discussing various teaching styles. (They notice more than I used to realize!)

“You follow bunny trails a little more than some, I remember,” was the calm declaration from one of them. “But personally, I liked that.”

I laughed and replied that I try to only follow the important bunny trails, but yes, I do tend to travel them quite easily.

“Important bunny trails? How can they be important when they’re distracting from the schedule?” This from a well self-disciplined girl.

We talked about important questions, life lessons, etc that may not be in the curriculum, but are totally worth taking time for.

How in life, we sometimes take bunny trails as well, walking paths that feel like detours but take us to places we’d have missed out on otherwise.

They weren’t totally convinced. “Have you ever taken a risk or a detour that got you something you would’ve missed out on otherwise?”

If they only knew… children can’t fully understand. But I told them how I went to a teacher’s conference all by myself, how I was planning to go to my hotel pretty early that evening because I didn’t know anyone there and I was tired.

When an old friend suggested I go meet her sister, I thought about waiting until the next day and sticking to my current plan: going to my hotel. But I had gone there determined to let things flow, and take opportunities to connect with people, so I went to introduce myself to a stranger.

It was a small detour from my schedule, but that encounter is how I first connected with the girl who is now more of a sister than a friend. I could have missed the blessing of having a praying bestie in my life, if I hadn’t taken the opportunity to meet her.

There are so many more examples in the last year… opportunities that came up which I could have ignored, because they really didn’t fit into the path I was trying to stick to.

But by making space in my life to explore the random bends in the road, I arrived where I am today.

Stopping to talk with people. Accepting unexpected invitations. Daring to step out in faith.

Yes, we need a routine and a plan! But since God’s ways are higher than ours, we need to be aware that He might be nudging us on a different path than we’ve chosen to walk. Or He wants to add people, places, and memories to our lives to make the journey more beautiful when we return to the original path.

So go to that conference. Hang out with an old friend. Take a short missions trip.

Deviating from the everyday occasionally, if it’s done seeking God’s blessing & guidance, can be the key to personal enrichment.

Maybe God has hidden treasures to add to your life – but they’re meant for you to discover.

Maybe, they are the reward for faithfully stepping out of your way to follow Him.

I do hope those girls remember our little chat about bunny trails.

I hope they grow up to become women of God, committed to walking the path He calls them to.

And I hope that if He gives them the opportunity to pursue what feels like a bunny trail sometimes, that they will have enough faith to explore, even if it doesn’t seem to fit the mold they’ve gotten used to.

I hope they will have courage to walk the paths that lead them to places of blessing they could never have imagined themselves.

East, West, Home… I guess

Published on by JackieLeave a comment

Today is… a heart full and a mind full of swirling things.

The weekend was amazing. Full, rich, exciting, and beautiful, all in one.

Meeting new people… reconnecting with those I’ve met before… and discussing all angles of life with a great friend who approaches every situation in a similar fashion as I do.

Being myself. Free.

Figuring out people and learning things about myself, hashing it all out with said friend, and nearly exhausted from the intensity… yet somehow finding it energizing.

And definitely, loving every minute of it.

But you can’t make a weekend last forever, and eventually you need to return to your normal life – especially if you’re spending the weekend hours away from your home in another country.

So, here I am, back at school, with my mind still spinning and my heart overflowing.

The church bells across town play “The Little Drummer Boy” and a smile splits my face as I’m taken back to the Christmas play I was part of.

Sure, I’m back on home turf, but the memories travelled with me. The vibrancy of the whole experience still fills me.

I start singing “Waymaker” on the soccer field and soon snatches of the song are heard from one end to the other in the boisterous voices of my littles.

I smile.

Yeah, coming home was sad – “East, west, home is best”… I guess.

But isn’t home really just wherever your heart is? It doesn’t have to be one location.

Life is good. Life holds so much potential.

So even as I’m back home and facing the unknowns of my future, I know I’ll find home to be the best, no matter where that is.

Bacause wherever I go with God is home…

And wherever He leads will always be best.

The Deeper, Hidden Meaning of Sufganiyot

Published on by JackieLeave a comment

First of all, a disclaimer: This post holds a high potential to make my writing instructor cringe.

It will not be edited, as the hour is late – more on the reason for that later – and I am currently halfway through a 4 day teachers’ conference.

(Think overload in all categories – socially, spiritually, intellectually, emotionally… even physically, if you drag yourself away from those wonderfully conversational strangers to engage in a few games of volleyball. Enough said.)

This exhausted human, now home in solitude, is apparently unable to break away from the endless flow of words I’ve been alternately drowning and delighting in.

Instead of listening to a talented speaker who has prepared an organized topic, I’m now the one needing to release words. Random words. 1:00 am words. Words that capture the essence of various, disconnected aspects of teachers’ week. And you, brave soul who has made it this far, are the recipient of it all.

So, here goes… I warned you!

Breakfast with strangers is a pleasantly awkward way to begin an event. Today (the second day) was slightly noisier than yesterday, however I am still grateful that no crunchy foods are on the breakfast menu. Yogourt and fresh berries are as silent as the people waking up at my table.

Singing from my heart with an auditorium full of humans who have now had their morning coffee is definitely awesome. I love looking across the group and seeing the beautiful diversity in God’s family… how we all share a common passion for Christian education, yet so many different walks of life are represented. It’s like a glimpse of the Bride of Christ to me – His kingdom is not limited to one people group or way of living out the Bible!

By mid-morning, my arm is tired from writing. Possibly I overdo note-taking… but when you place a pen in a teacher’s hand… especially if it has nice ink, well – it’s inevitable. The pages will be filled.

Lunch arrives. We’re all abuzz about our personality types, and specifically how to deal with personality clashes with students. How much do we unconciously frustrate our students, simply by being us? How can we as educators intentionally embrace the unique characteristics of each God-designed child in our class? Eventually, our plates are empty, and it’s time for some volleyball.

You can’t solve every school problem during teacher’s week, so when ideas have been sufficiently shared… postpone the issue. It won’t take care of itself; it will remain for further discussion… but those courts look inviting and the game is happening now.

After an afternoon of more instruction on teaching, my mind is wearily whirling. I should feel brilliantly equipped and inspired to teach – but I really feel like I just need my bed.

So I joined another conversation. Stayed there for a lengthy time, transitioned to someone’s backyard to continue socializing around a campfire…

Someone asked what our goals are for the coming year, since we’re receiving this training. My response? “I had specific goals, before this. Now they’re crushed under the weight of awareness that I have so much to improve in!” (I know myself, though. Those goals will revive with more passion than ever after this week.)

After many more random topics had been covered, and my mind journeyed in several more abstract directions, my car and I journeyed home. To solitude, quietness, and bed.

Instead of feeling sleepy though, my brain started regurgitating every piece of information that’s been thrown at me. Not in a cohesive manner, mind you.

And this is where this post’s title finally enters the picture. (I apologize. It’s terrible to delay this long. Possibly it’s only sheer curiosity that has kept you until now… and if you’re skimming, I understand.)

So I got home, with all these thoughts spinning, and as I’m wondering how I will ever retain all of this, I heard one thing replaying distinctly. The speaker’s voice rang confidently in my memory, I could see the earnestness on his face as he declared, “Sufganiyot.”

Then the crowd’s tentative response, according to the direction given in how to pronounce the word. “Sufganiyot.”

And my very overwhelmed mind, replaying this moment, could not remember the meaning of the word!!! This Hebrew word, taught by a couple who spent several years living in Jewish culture, must have some deep spiritual meaning attached to it that I must not forget!

I was desparate. My binder is at school, so I can’t access my notes until tomorrow. Would google really embody all that the word meant to me? I couldn’t even remember in what way it resonated in my heart, but it must have if my mind was so clearly recalling it?!

But then, suddenly, it came to me. The speaker saying, “Sufganiyout is the Hebrew word for donut.“

Yes. That’s correct. It means donut. And I had it in the same category as words like shalom or gelassenheit…

Sometimes things aren’t as deep as we make them.

But for me, personally, the deeper and hidden meaning of sufganiyot will always be this week. These moments.

And sure, a donut.