Tag: Journey

“Do You Know Who You Are?”

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Summer has been a whirlwind so far, and here, nearly the end of July, I’m finally pausing to catch my breath.

I fully expected to be writing long blog posts processing all the changes in my life when school ended, but instead, I have had no words.

There have been all kinds of feels to feel, and no way to describe them.

Choosing to step out in faith and close the door to teaching after living in that role for six years…

Preparing to move hours away from home to start an exciting VS opportunity…

Enjoying every opportunity to spend with my family and church people and friends, because soon I won’t be seeing them as often for a season.

And now, here I am at the beach. With the besties. For three blissful days in a glamping dome.

Yesterday, trying to catch up, all of us used many words in an attempt to explain our lives to each other.

As I muddled through a description of my transition season, a calm voice asked me, “Do you still know who you are?”

Yes and no.

I know Whose I am.

And I know who I am, in Christ.

Redeemed. Chosen. Beloved.

But my role in my family, my church, my youth group, and as a teacher… those are all either lost or changing. Who am I going to be to the people currently around me, and who will I be to those who will share the next season with me?

I don’t know what that will all look like.

She nodded, satisfied.

“Whoever loses his life for my sake shall find it,” she reminded me.

And finally, I have something solid to grab hold of in all the shifting unknowns.

I followed God’s guidance to “lose my life,” or very much let go of the comfortable life I had.

Jesus promised that if we do this, if we lay down our plans for His, we will find life.

He’s not going to leave me uprooted forever. There is a beautiful planting ahead for me where I will put roots down again and thrive.

And last night, as I lay cross wise in a king size bed, sandwiched between two awesome friends who make this crazy life a whole lot easier, I smiled up at the plastic dome overhead.

Right then, I knew where I belonged.

In the middle of everything that is changing, I have Jesus to walk with me. He is going to fill my life in the next season.

I will always belong with my family and friends, near or far.

And knowing my place with my friends is especially easy when they’re so near that rolling over is impossible without waking somebody up.

I’m smiling out at the clear blue water that will soon lose its tranquility when we go splashing in.

I do believe, time at the beach is good for my heart.

Boxes

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I have never liked them.

People have always told me I have a very large box.

I’ve always liked to think outside of the box.

I don’t like square or even numbers, because, well… I don’t really have a good reason, but odd numbers just always have a better ring to them than box-like, rigid, square numbers.

But regardless of how I feel about boxes, lately they are creeping into my life.

We’ve been saving boxes, and just now I put a reminder in my phone to bring boxes to school tomorrow.

This afternoon I opened my desk drawers that have held a wild assortment of things for the past few years… and I organized those things into the dreaded boxes.

My desk is slowly being emptied, and it no longer looks familiar inside.

Soon the walls of my classroom and every one of the cabinets and shelves will follow suit, with no trace left of my things.

With the arrival ofthe boxes, my teaching career is going to get packed up and carried out the door to make space for the person who will take on my role here next year.

I wish that were the end of my experience with boxes, but they’re not going to leave me just yet.

The same thing has been happening right in my house.

I am throwing out worn out socks, donating rarely-worn clothing to the thrift store, and in general, organizing everything I own…

And this sorting and trashing and minimizing of my wardrobe is all in preparation to put my personal possessions into… more boxes.

Said boxes will then be loaded into my unsuspecting car, and I will drive several hundred kilometers to the place I’ll begin my next season of life.

I have 86 days left to get everything done… there are a lot of boxes left on my to-do list to get checked off before I’m ready to move and begin my term of VS.

And every one of these boxes are taking over my comfortable life and screaming “change” at me in undeniable truth!

Something in me that longs for stability is rebelling at the unsettled feeling every box of things creates, even as I keep packing items into them.

It’s not that I don’t want to go. I do. I’m genuinely excited about the opportunity God is calling me to, and can hardly wait to start serving Him there!

But I am looking forward to a time about 6 months from now, when the boxes are all unpacked, moving day is a few months in the past, and I’m settled into my life there.

I’m ready to move on… I’m ready to get started in the next season… it’s the leaving and the starting that’s hard on my heart.

I know God will fill the next season with good things. He called me there and will equip me with grace for every change. I know He will be my Faithful, Unchanging Guide every step of the way.

It’s simply this transition season that I dislike. And the boxes, simply for symbolizing every bit of change that’s happening all around me!

Even though I was praying for an open door to move forward into something new, and was so excited to step out in faith, now that school’s almost out I’m realizing something.

I’ve been pretty comfortable here… more than I ever knew… here in my predictable little box.

And maybe, I like being in a box – at least somewhat – much more than I thought.

Bittersweet Endings

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I sit at my desk, attempting to grade language tests, and my mind keeps wandering.

The meeting with the staff and school board starts in 10 minutes… but this is my last board meeting.

These language tests are the second last ones I need to grade.

The little chalkboard hanging beside my calendar states the truth that’s starting to sink in: 19 more days of school.

19 more days of responding to the name “Miss Wideman,” and after the last day, I won’t be called that anymore.

It’s been almost 6 years since my very scared younger self toured this school as a potential teacher.

Now, these walls feel like home. My things are scattered in various cabinets and shelves.

Memories are everywhere, made with students, and with co teachers. Under the stage. In the basement. The large roots of the maple tree by the little diamond. The staff room and worn out couch. And of course, my classroom.

This classroom where I sat in my office chair a few Augusts ago… rolled to the middle of the empty room, and slowly spun a full circle, looking at the space that I was supposed to organize.

Here I am, a few weeks close to packing up all my things, removing every personal item from the desk, and walking out the door.

I confess, I don’t know how I’m going to do it.

Yet, even with all the nostalgia that makes my heart ache to stay, I’m confident this is the right thing to do. There’s an open door God is calling me to walk through, and I’m truly excited about the VS term I’ve committed to.

But if it brings a few tears to my eyes when I close the door and leave behind my teacher identity… I’m ok with that.

It just means I’ve been part of something very precious for the past few years. I know that I have.

My heart will need to adjust to the vacancy that will be left by the absence of everyone that’s been part of my teaching world – students, parents, co teachers.

When I look at all the lasts that are beginning, I honestly don’t know how I’m going to do it…

And I’m glad.

I’m glad that I’m not just waiting to leave, because that means I have something to live for today.

I’m not in the next season yet, so right here is where I’m called to thrive, for 19 more school days with my students.

I get to enjoy the amusing lunch conversations, the deep questions of young minds, and be surrounded by the energy of 23 preteens for another while.

And if life can be this beautiful right here, where I am called to serve today, I am confident that the next season will be just as full of purpose.

God will fill my heart and hands with the new things that are hidden in the next season… when I get there.

So as I feel every emotion that’s stirred in this season of bittersweet endings, I trust God to lead me into the unknowns of the next chapter.

And instead of clinging too tightly to yesterday, or looking ahead to tomorrow, I can inhale and exhale.

The gift of today.

His grace in all things.

God, faithful in every change.

On Renovations and Faith

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I’ve been wanting to turn this into a blog post for several days, but I’ve been too busy to get my swirling thoughts typed here.

However, as I spun my cake decorators’ turntable this afternoon, and angled my tools to create the desired look, I had time to think and reflect… now the cakes are done so I can exhale, relax, and write what’s been on my heart.

Last weekend was 6 months since I first walked into the church that now feels like home… barely knowing anyone, and completely terrified, but somehow convinced this was the right thing to do.

You know, I had no idea then just how much good would come from asking God for the courage to step out in faith.

I reflected on that last week, and praised God for His faithfulness in guiding me, but didn’t really have a blog post in mind.

Until Friday evening, when my youth group and a few of our church people were … well, quite literally, tearing apart the church basement.

There are some renovations needed, and as plans were made, the list grew.

So, on the last day of school, teachers and students emptied the classrooms completely, in preparation for the work bee that evening. By midnight, all the shelves were gone, trim had disappeared, insulation was removed, some sections of wall were only bare frames, lights were being rewired, and old drywall was removed. Not to mention the endless sweeping, and all the plastic we girls taped up to protect surfaces from the spray painting that will be done.

It really wasn’t recognizable as the school that it had been that morning, and I asked one student who had come with his dad for the evening, “Can you believe the last day of school was in here today?”

His answer was profound, as children so often are without realizing it.

“Well, it feels strange. I thought it would be exciting to tear our classrooms apart, and it is, but…”

“But it’s sad to tear up the place where go many good memories were just made?” I asked.

“Well, kind of, yeah… and it’s so empty. It doesn’t even feel like our school, and it’s just so odd!”

I assured him that by September, they’ll be ready to have lots of good times in a classroom that will feel “new” after all the renovations are complete.

His eyes sparkled with anticipation at that thought and he said, “that’s right! I can’t wait! I hope it’ll look really nice.”

Then, more pensive, he added, “At least, I think it will… it’s hard to imagine right now though while it’s such a mess.”

I reminded him of the things that will be improved and redone, and his enthusiasm returned. “Yeah! I think it’ll look real nice when it’s all done,” and he hurried off to see what else he could do. Destroying classrooms is an adventure, after all!

And I, sweeping up the constant piles of dust and debris, thought about our conversation.

6 months ago, I knew my life didn’t totally fit me… but it was all I knew. It was familiar and comfortable.

Yet I couldn’t stay there. I needed to move on, and I knew it was time. But I couldn’t reach for the new without stepping out of the old.

You know, I was incredibly afraid of walking into a new church and hoping to find it home.

It felt like I was laying down so much – risking relationships with all the people I’d known and love, for relationships I didn’t know if I’d ever build.

But God proved faithful to work it all out for me, and I’ve been able to make many beautiful new friendships as well as keep the familiar old ones.

And, the layout of my life is different.

It doesn’t look like the life I was so familiar with and afraid to leave behind a few months ago. But some things from before are still in their places, and everything is brighter and nicer than ever.

Sometimes, adding to your life means giving every part to God first, so He can remove what’s not needed and return what is still valuable to its place in your life.

By letting God empty you out, you allow Him to work and reconstruct you according to His perfect blueprint.

So, to the one reading this: this is my encouragement for you. If your life feels torn apart, upside down, or totally empty right now, and you wish for the familiar sights of before… keep trusting the Master Architect.

The renovating process takes faith in the end result, patience, and a lot of trust that things are going to end up better, even while they’re visibly being torn apart.

But remind yourself of this truth: God will not ask you to lay something down without putting something more beautiful in its place.

So trust Him, doubting heart.

By what He has done in my life, and for countless others out of unknown circumstances, I truly can say that His renovations are never without a purpose.

And I think your life will look real nice when He’s all done.

The Importance of Following Bunny Trails

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If you have ever sat in my class, you may have noticed I am a “bunny trails teacher.”

I’ve tried to curb the habit, because obviously we have routines to keep, deadlines to meet, assignments to complete.

But in the years I’ve taught, I’ve quietly told myself that some bunny trails are important. Sometimes, answering that off-topic question will mean more to them in life than if we finish the math lesson today or tomorrow.

It’s not something I’ve actually spent much time intentionally thinking about, until yesterday. I was chatting with some upper grade girls at lunch, who were discussing various teaching styles. (They notice more than I used to realize!)

“You follow bunny trails a little more than some, I remember,” was the calm declaration from one of them. “But personally, I liked that.”

I laughed and replied that I try to only follow the important bunny trails, but yes, I do tend to travel them quite easily.

“Important bunny trails? How can they be important when they’re distracting from the schedule?” This from a well self-disciplined girl.

We talked about important questions, life lessons, etc that may not be in the curriculum, but are totally worth taking time for.

How in life, we sometimes take bunny trails as well, walking paths that feel like detours but take us to places we’d have missed out on otherwise.

They weren’t totally convinced. “Have you ever taken a risk or a detour that got you something you would’ve missed out on otherwise?”

If they only knew… children can’t fully understand. But I told them how I went to a teacher’s conference all by myself, how I was planning to go to my hotel pretty early that evening because I didn’t know anyone there and I was tired.

When an old friend suggested I go meet her sister, I thought about waiting until the next day and sticking to my current plan: going to my hotel. But I had gone there determined to let things flow, and take opportunities to connect with people, so I went to introduce myself to a stranger.

It was a small detour from my schedule, but that encounter is how I first connected with the girl who is now more of a sister than a friend. I could have missed the blessing of having a praying bestie in my life, if I hadn’t taken the opportunity to meet her.

There are so many more examples in the last year… opportunities that came up which I could have ignored, because they really didn’t fit into the path I was trying to stick to.

But by making space in my life to explore the random bends in the road, I arrived where I am today.

Stopping to talk with people. Accepting unexpected invitations. Daring to step out in faith.

Yes, we need a routine and a plan! But since God’s ways are higher than ours, we need to be aware that He might be nudging us on a different path than we’ve chosen to walk. Or He wants to add people, places, and memories to our lives to make the journey more beautiful when we return to the original path.

So go to that conference. Hang out with an old friend. Take a short missions trip.

Deviating from the everyday occasionally, if it’s done seeking God’s blessing & guidance, can be the key to personal enrichment.

Maybe God has hidden treasures to add to your life – but they’re meant for you to discover.

Maybe, they are the reward for faithfully stepping out of your way to follow Him.

I do hope those girls remember our little chat about bunny trails.

I hope they grow up to become women of God, committed to walking the path He calls them to.

And I hope that if He gives them the opportunity to pursue what feels like a bunny trail sometimes, that they will have enough faith to explore, even if it doesn’t seem to fit the mold they’ve gotten used to.

I hope they will have courage to walk the paths that lead them to places of blessing they could never have imagined themselves.

2023: A Book Worthy of its Place on my Shelf

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So, it’s here.

Here, and two minutes close to ending…

This last day of the year 2023.

I find it interesting how we put so much emphasis on the ending of an old year, and welcome the new year with so many emotions… when what really changes in life from 11:59 to 12:00?

Yet, imagine if life was one endless rolling span of time with no way to measure it.

I am so grateful that God created time for us, because He knew we would need those milestones.

It’s a way of sorting life into chapters, actually. Or little hardcover books, that together compile an entire set of volumes which tell a person’s life story.

New Years Day is like the beautiful cover of an empty book. Everything the year holds then goes into it page by page, and December 31 closes the back cover, completing that part of the journey.

(If my comparison of a year to a book seems odd, I apologize… it makes sense to me, but that’s probably because I’m a writer at heart and love all things that contain words, so… books, yes. Also, writers are known to be a rather fanciful, imaginative sort, and therefore may draw far fetched comparisons. Enough said on that bunny trail…)

The covers of a book really don’t tell you what it contains, yet they influence you to decide if it’s worthwhile reading or not.

You don’t know when you start reading what direction the story will go to end up at the last page.

Likewise, the first and last day of a year don’t reveal many details of the events within the year – yet when you compare just those two days, they reveal what kind of year you just lived.

On January 1st, 2023, I was joyful, loving life.

December 31, 2023, I am still joyful. But oh, so much more intensely alive!

The covers of the book don’t reveal all the steps of the journey I walked between them – but the difference from one to the other shows a good year, a year of growth a year to praise God for.

They say you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, and I respect that.

But when it comes to evaluating the year… I’d rather like to judge by the progress made from one cover to the other.

I could jump into the middle of March, or June, or September, and I’d only have pieces of the story.

I could compare the tears I cried with the number of times I sang for joy at the top of my voice, and decide by that… but it might not be accurate.

What if, even in times of turmoil, God is doing so much good in us that we can’t help but call the story good?

And if the entire year was joyful and easy, would I have been challenged to grow? And if not, how sad, to have lived a whole year with so little accomplished.

I prefer to judge my year by the front and back cover: What was my prayer when I entered 2023, and could I see God’s answer by the last day?

…Oh, YES.

This year, I hoped to blossom. Today, I know I have. It doesn’t matter that the pages of the story don’t hold what I expected them to on January 1st, what matters is that God was faithful to answer my prayer – in His way, but always faithful.

And if God is faithful, God is good… and any year that shows His goodness is a story that was worth the living!

So as I close the cover of 2023, forever sealing into that book every moment I lived within its pages, I place it on the shelf of years gone by with peace in my heart.

It’s not a volume I need to bury, or wish I could remove from the set. I lived it with God at my side and His faithfulness is written into every line, making it a good year. It’s a year I would not change or redo – I am ready for the new year, but I value the place 2023 holds in my life story.

So I place it in it’s worthy position on the shelf, where God asks me to lay it down in the section marked “Past,” and I turn to accept the new book He offers.

This one is blank. It’s called 2024. I trust God to make it beautiful in whatever way He chooses.

Blessings to you all as you open the cover of a new book… let God write the story and you will find 2024 to be another year of experiencing His goodness!

The Path of Progress

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“God opens doors… and He closes them.”

She gave me such a simple answer to the many complex things life holds – but so relevant, and so true.

“And when God closes doors… He also opens doors.”

I’ve thought on this mystery a lot, how endings are not the end, but rather, they are a vital crux to beginning… the rest of your whole, yet-to-be discovered, life!

I’ve gotten to experience so many new things, because of doors that have been closed.

Much of what I value today I wouldn’t have in my life if I hadn’t gathered it along this winding way… a way that keeps leading me into new places, because I’ve first exited others.

There are people I love today who I met only because I walked through unlikely or even unwanted places. The open door to meeting them was caused by other doors closing.

I carry beautiful memories of chapters that were only meant to last for a season, but forever remain part of my story. Just because doors close doesn’t mean we pretend we weren’t ever in those places.

Who I am, in my very heart of hearts, is not the same person as I was a year ago, still more changed from the me of 2 years ago, and quite different from the version that existed 5 years ago!

And I’m learning to lean into this constant change – not to resist it, but to rest in it, because after the fact, I do always like the improvements God has made to who I am.

I know that 5 years from now, I’ll probably see the areas I was lacking in today. Things I think I’m doing well today, I’ll be thankful I have learned to do so much better. (Just a hunch, going by my opinion of my first year of teaching… I knew I was inexperienced, yes, but now I see much more clearly how much of a novice I really was!)

But that’s ok with me – I’m comfortable with finding delight in my progress up to this point, even though I know I’m a work that’s not yet reached completion.

As I navigate all the checkpoints on my path of progress through life, I don’t look back and call former places worthless just because I’m not there anymore.

No, every closed door symbolizes a valuable part of a journey!

… sometimes, it’s vital to walk through the death – an ending – of a chapter so that a resurrection – new life – can be added to the story.

But endings aren’t always erasers. We let go, we move forward, we live today – but endings are not like a death in that we need to bury that chapter.

We get to choose what we hold on to – no present-day circumstance can erase the things that once made us smile.

We can also choose to let go of memories that keep us trapped in pain – because a closed door is an invitation, giving us freedom to move on. (It doesn’t always feel as good as that sounds, but it is truth!)

As I move forward in life, it’s my personal goal to always carry only the good with me, but leave the things that weigh me down.

When new doors open, we can’t step through them if we’re holding on to baggage from yesterday too tightly… but we can always retain the beauty it gave us, and our lives become continually richer and fuller if we travel this way.

“When God closes doors, He opens doors, and when the doors open, He will lead you through them.”

God never takes away without also giving abundantly, if we turn to Him for healing and restoration.

Psalm 90:15 says, “Give us gladness in proportion to our former misery.” (NLT)

What an exciting concept to lean on! When we feel the pain of closed doors, we can look forward to an equal proportion of joy at the opening of another door!

“Tell your heart to beat again, close your eyes and breathe it in… Let the shadows fall away, step into the light of grace. Yesterday’s a closing door, you don’t live there anymore… say goodbye to where you’ve been, and tell your heart to beat again!” ~Tell Your Heart To Beat Again, Danny Gokey

“What are you bringing with you?”

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After a weekend away, I answered the typical questions at the Canada/US border before crossing back into my home country.

Those questions are familiar to me; I’ve been across that border many times in my life.

But this time, it was different. I was travelling with just me and Jesus, and after a weekend that will forever be a milestone in my life story, two of his questions seemed to mean so much more.

“What are you bringing back into the country with you?” “What is the value of those goods?”

(He also had the audacity to ask, “What’s all that in the backseat?” After I so carefully piled three quarters of my shopping spree into the trunk to organize my car… and he still thought it looked like a lot!?)

Back to those two questions though – after I drove away from the border, I reflected on how I could have answered in such a different way.

What did I bring back? Rekindled hope. Restored joy. New friendship. A heart that is ready to beat strong again. Healing. Greater trust and love for Jesus.

What is the value of those things?

I didn’t pay for any of them… they are worth too much to purchase.

They were all gifts from the hand of my Father!

Then there are all the things I didn’t bring back with me… the things I dumped off in various cafes, small towns, and along the interstate. Shame, pain, confusion, doubt, hopelessness, anxiety.

Travelling with Jesus did so much more for my heart than I ever imagined it would when I planned it!

Don’t worry, I didn’t reply with any of that. The official at the border would have been quite surprised if I had answered that way, as that was, of course, not what he meant. I told him approximately how much I spent on home decor, like I was expected to. But the thought still made me smile as I drove…

I hope that as I go forward, I’ll remember this moment and often ask myself, “What are you bringing with you?”

What am I carrying along that isn’t meant to weigh me down?

What am I picking up as I travel?

Am I walking in places where I gather things that help me thrive, or am I staying stuck in places that don’t allow me to grow in Christ as He desires me to?

As I travel through each day, each place I go, every experience I have… and I return home at the end of each day, one day closer to my journey’s completion… what am I bringing back with me?

What are you bringing back with you?

Why Did I Come Here?

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From the moment she looked me in the eyes and asked, ‘How are things going?” I knew we’d connect.

We had never met before, but known of each other for years. Our moms are distantly friends… I hung out with her sister for a weekend in New York back in my teens… and now here we met, our of the blue, at a teachers conference hours away from both our homes.

It’s nice to know why I came.

After all, driving 5 hours by myself to a destination where I knew nobody, I had plenty of time to question whatever inspired me to do this.

I mean, I knew all along it wasn’t about the conference. I heard this speaker just a year ago, presenting the same topic, with an identical slideshow and handouts.

It was a thinly veiled excuse for a solo road trip, to embrace a love of solitude again – something I’ve avoided for too long.

Being alone doesn’t have to be a negative thing, and I know that, but sometimes we need to conquer our fears in an exciting way.

So, I planned this trip as a way to intentionally create solitude – not being lonely, but having time alone with God.

So often, when I’m alone is when hard things get harder. Problems seem greater, and tears flow freer because it feels like I’m alone in my pain.

To avoid those feelings, for too long I tended to avoid being alone.

But I knew it’s time to reshape my view of that, and I’m so grateful God provided this teachers conference as a reason for this trip – not only did He give me the opportunity, He gave me a valid explanation.

No one expects to hear “I’m driving 5 hours to practice enjoying solitude.” But attending a conference? That sounds sensible. And I do love bits of sensibility in a chaotic world!

But as I got closer to my destination, I realized I had a slight flaw in my weekend.

The solitude was going great, I was embracing my independence, and loving the fact that only God knew exactly where on the globe I was at any given moment.

But I had this slight problem of a conference to attend, where I knew no one, and the content was all familiar to me.

I did ask God why He prompted me so clearly that I had to be at this conference, if it had no purpose in the trip other than an explanation. That’s an expensive ticket to pay for a simple explanation, you know.

But God has a plan in all things, as I am continually learning. And the first session hadn’t been over long when I met the reason I had come.

Isn’t it amazing how God places people in the right location at the right time, having prepared their hearts in advance to connect?

We were strangers yesterday – tonight we had a sleepover (yes, my hotel room had an extra bed for some reason, and God knew it would be needed!) We connected, heart to heart, and it was worth every hour of lost sleep.

My life has been a desert, thirsty for this type of friend, and God brought me here to water that need.

Even if we don’t meet up again for awhile, I will always value the miraculous way God arranged our meeting.

When He wants people in my life, He will place me where I need to be to find them.

And if I needed to be five hours away from home for that message to be clear to me, all I can say is – it was certainly worth the drive.

The opportunity to be a tourist in a quaint, sleepy town, and visit cute cafes, is such a rejuvenating gift🤍

Riding Today’s Wave

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Ah, relaxation.

Late afternoon sunlight streams in the large windows of the community center lounge, a neat stack of graded Bible quizzes lies on the table in front of me, and I still have 20 minutes to just sit here.

Scrolling on my phone, I came across this quote someone posted:

“Healing comes in waves. Today the wave might hit the rocks, but you’re still healing.”

A smile played on my lips as the words washed over my heart – that quote is the best description I’ve heard for those days when all the progress I’ve made seems shattered.

But I feel this precious joy swelling in my chest, because today, that wave is flowing smoothly back out.

Away from the painful crashing into the rocks, into a vast expanse of possibilities.

I never imagined, one year ago, where I’d be today or all that I’d walk through to get here.

I also don’t know where I’ll be in one short year from now, but I’m so grateful to be able to say, I’m excited about the future.

I’m ready… to step forward.

I don’t know which of the opportunities ahead of me I’ll actually pursue, but it’s thrilling to see God’s hand working in my life, healing my heart, and filling me with the capacity to dream again.

The sunlight is fading lower in the sky, but I feel a new day dawning in my life as I enjoy the ride of today’s wave, away from the confining shallows along the shore.

It’s time to travel farther out to sea… deeper into this adventure called life, sailing with greater abandon toward everything God has for me.

It’s a divine risk, giving my life completely into the hands of One Who can lead me in paths beyond my wildest imagination, but I know that His way always includes enough of His strength, grace, and courage for every part of the journey.

So I choose, once again, to say, “Jesus, I trust You. Please, lead me forward in the fullness of Your abundant living.”

Today’s wave rides toward potential joy; tomorrow the ride might carry me back in to be broken on the rocks again. I’m slowly understanding that we must be broken repeatedly so that Jesus within us can continue to pour out of our cracked and bleeding vessels…

But through it all, I know each of these waves are part of the process Jesus is taking me through, and none of it goes unnoticed by Him.

Right now, this moment, Miss Ginger Curls is nearly finished her class and will be demanding me to make good on the promised trip to the park.

My arms are still tired from her fight-mode reaction earlier and the drama of getting into the elevator (with four compassionate but amused onlookers, yes) but my heart loves her more than ever.

How is it that this unlikely rule is manifesting in so many areas of my life… that the bad times ignite multiplied goodness?

Only God Alone can work in this incredible way!

Likewise, even though my heart is bruised anew each time I’m washed up on the rocks, I ride the waves with increased confidence and joy… because I know they ultimately lead in the direction I want to go.

“Healing comes in waves…” and progress is made not by fighting them, but by surrendering to their direction of flow and riding each one to its fullest extent.

So no matter what tries to drag me down, I know one thing for certain: I can always press onward and upward if I keep my eyes fixed on Jesus.

That’s all that’s required of me every moment, simply to focus on Him and let everything else fade…

“Father God, just for today… Help me to walk Your narrow way. Help me stand when I might fall, give me the strength to do Your call… May my steps be worship, may my thoughts be praise, may my words bring honour to Your Name…”

and here comes my favourite feisty bundle of fragile brokenness. Time to stop writing and pour my joy over into her little life!