Tag: Healing

The Path of Progress

Published on by Jackie1 Comment

“God opens doors… and He closes them.”

She gave me such a simple answer to the many complex things life holds – but so relevant, and so true.

“And when God closes doors… He also opens doors.”

I’ve thought on this mystery a lot, how endings are not the end, but rather, they are a vital crux to beginning… the rest of your whole, yet-to-be discovered, life!

I’ve gotten to experience so many new things, because of doors that have been closed.

Much of what I value today I wouldn’t have in my life if I hadn’t gathered it along this winding way… a way that keeps leading me into new places, because I’ve first exited others.

There are people I love today who I met only because I walked through unlikely or even unwanted places. The open door to meeting them was caused by other doors closing.

I carry beautiful memories of chapters that were only meant to last for a season, but forever remain part of my story. Just because doors close doesn’t mean we pretend we weren’t ever in those places.

Who I am, in my very heart of hearts, is not the same person as I was a year ago, still more changed from the me of 2 years ago, and quite different from the version that existed 5 years ago!

And I’m learning to lean into this constant change – not to resist it, but to rest in it, because after the fact, I do always like the improvements God has made to who I am.

I know that 5 years from now, I’ll probably see the areas I was lacking in today. Things I think I’m doing well today, I’ll be thankful I have learned to do so much better. (Just a hunch, going by my opinion of my first year of teaching… I knew I was inexperienced, yes, but now I see much more clearly how much of a novice I really was!)

But that’s ok with me – I’m comfortable with finding delight in my progress up to this point, even though I know I’m a work that’s not yet reached completion.

As I navigate all the checkpoints on my path of progress through life, I don’t look back and call former places worthless just because I’m not there anymore.

No, every closed door symbolizes a valuable part of a journey!

… sometimes, it’s vital to walk through the death – an ending – of a chapter so that a resurrection – new life – can be added to the story.

But endings aren’t always erasers. We let go, we move forward, we live today – but endings are not like a death in that we need to bury that chapter.

We get to choose what we hold on to – no present-day circumstance can erase the things that once made us smile.

We can also choose to let go of memories that keep us trapped in pain – because a closed door is an invitation, giving us freedom to move on. (It doesn’t always feel as good as that sounds, but it is truth!)

As I move forward in life, it’s my personal goal to always carry only the good with me, but leave the things that weigh me down.

When new doors open, we can’t step through them if we’re holding on to baggage from yesterday too tightly… but we can always retain the beauty it gave us, and our lives become continually richer and fuller if we travel this way.

“When God closes doors, He opens doors, and when the doors open, He will lead you through them.”

God never takes away without also giving abundantly, if we turn to Him for healing and restoration.

Psalm 90:15 says, “Give us gladness in proportion to our former misery.” (NLT)

What an exciting concept to lean on! When we feel the pain of closed doors, we can look forward to an equal proportion of joy at the opening of another door!

“Tell your heart to beat again, close your eyes and breathe it in… Let the shadows fall away, step into the light of grace. Yesterday’s a closing door, you don’t live there anymore… say goodbye to where you’ve been, and tell your heart to beat again!” ~Tell Your Heart To Beat Again, Danny Gokey

“What are you bringing with you?”

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After a weekend away, I answered the typical questions at the Canada/US border before crossing back into my home country.

Those questions are familiar to me; I’ve been across that border many times in my life.

But this time, it was different. I was travelling with just me and Jesus, and after a weekend that will forever be a milestone in my life story, two of his questions seemed to mean so much more.

“What are you bringing back into the country with you?” “What is the value of those goods?”

(He also had the audacity to ask, “What’s all that in the backseat?” After I so carefully piled three quarters of my shopping spree into the trunk to organize my car… and he still thought it looked like a lot!?)

Back to those two questions though – after I drove away from the border, I reflected on how I could have answered in such a different way.

What did I bring back? Rekindled hope. Restored joy. New friendship. A heart that is ready to beat strong again. Healing. Greater trust and love for Jesus.

What is the value of those things?

I didn’t pay for any of them… they are worth too much to purchase.

They were all gifts from the hand of my Father!

Then there are all the things I didn’t bring back with me… the things I dumped off in various cafes, small towns, and along the interstate. Shame, pain, confusion, doubt, hopelessness, anxiety.

Travelling with Jesus did so much more for my heart than I ever imagined it would when I planned it!

Don’t worry, I didn’t reply with any of that. The official at the border would have been quite surprised if I had answered that way, as that was, of course, not what he meant. I told him approximately how much I spent on home decor, like I was expected to. But the thought still made me smile as I drove…

I hope that as I go forward, I’ll remember this moment and often ask myself, “What are you bringing with you?”

What am I carrying along that isn’t meant to weigh me down?

What am I picking up as I travel?

Am I walking in places where I gather things that help me thrive, or am I staying stuck in places that don’t allow me to grow in Christ as He desires me to?

As I travel through each day, each place I go, every experience I have… and I return home at the end of each day, one day closer to my journey’s completion… what am I bringing back with me?

What are you bringing back with you?

Riding Today’s Wave

Published on by Jackie1 Comment

Ah, relaxation.

Late afternoon sunlight streams in the large windows of the community center lounge, a neat stack of graded Bible quizzes lies on the table in front of me, and I still have 20 minutes to just sit here.

Scrolling on my phone, I came across this quote someone posted:

“Healing comes in waves. Today the wave might hit the rocks, but you’re still healing.”

A smile played on my lips as the words washed over my heart – that quote is the best description I’ve heard for those days when all the progress I’ve made seems shattered.

But I feel this precious joy swelling in my chest, because today, that wave is flowing smoothly back out.

Away from the painful crashing into the rocks, into a vast expanse of possibilities.

I never imagined, one year ago, where I’d be today or all that I’d walk through to get here.

I also don’t know where I’ll be in one short year from now, but I’m so grateful to be able to say, I’m excited about the future.

I’m ready… to step forward.

I don’t know which of the opportunities ahead of me I’ll actually pursue, but it’s thrilling to see God’s hand working in my life, healing my heart, and filling me with the capacity to dream again.

The sunlight is fading lower in the sky, but I feel a new day dawning in my life as I enjoy the ride of today’s wave, away from the confining shallows along the shore.

It’s time to travel farther out to sea… deeper into this adventure called life, sailing with greater abandon toward everything God has for me.

It’s a divine risk, giving my life completely into the hands of One Who can lead me in paths beyond my wildest imagination, but I know that His way always includes enough of His strength, grace, and courage for every part of the journey.

So I choose, once again, to say, “Jesus, I trust You. Please, lead me forward in the fullness of Your abundant living.”

Today’s wave rides toward potential joy; tomorrow the ride might carry me back in to be broken on the rocks again. I’m slowly understanding that we must be broken repeatedly so that Jesus within us can continue to pour out of our cracked and bleeding vessels…

But through it all, I know each of these waves are part of the process Jesus is taking me through, and none of it goes unnoticed by Him.

Right now, this moment, Miss Ginger Curls is nearly finished her class and will be demanding me to make good on the promised trip to the park.

My arms are still tired from her fight-mode reaction earlier and the drama of getting into the elevator (with four compassionate but amused onlookers, yes) but my heart loves her more than ever.

How is it that this unlikely rule is manifesting in so many areas of my life… that the bad times ignite multiplied goodness?

Only God Alone can work in this incredible way!

Likewise, even though my heart is bruised anew each time I’m washed up on the rocks, I ride the waves with increased confidence and joy… because I know they ultimately lead in the direction I want to go.

“Healing comes in waves…” and progress is made not by fighting them, but by surrendering to their direction of flow and riding each one to its fullest extent.

So no matter what tries to drag me down, I know one thing for certain: I can always press onward and upward if I keep my eyes fixed on Jesus.

That’s all that’s required of me every moment, simply to focus on Him and let everything else fade…

“Father God, just for today… Help me to walk Your narrow way. Help me stand when I might fall, give me the strength to do Your call… May my steps be worship, may my thoughts be praise, may my words bring honour to Your Name…”

and here comes my favourite feisty bundle of fragile brokenness. Time to stop writing and pour my joy over into her little life!

Embracing Brokenness

Published on by Jackie1 Comment

Sitting cross legged on a dirty floor with a hysterical child in my arms, my thoughts had time to wander as I rocked rhythmically back and forth.

I never imagined that this is how I would find wholeness – that this is where I would feel joy again.

I always thought it was the strong people, those with vibrant life and love beating in their hearts who are used to minister to the broken ones.

Who knew that a broken heart is capable of loving more deeply, more protectively, more compassionately?

Is this what God meant by working all things together for good?

Is it possible that my own brokenness could be healed through binding up others’ wounds?

The little girl sobbing in my arms, screaming herself to exhaustion, pauses to check if I’m angry with her yet. I’m not. She examines my calm face, bewildered, then resumes the tantrum, with slightly less force…

There are tears in my eyes, too. She doesn’t know that I understand the anger, the frustration she feels for all that has been taken away. And that that’s why I just hold her, and keep rocking, and don’t condemn her for expressing her pain.

It’s valid. I won’t ask her to be okay with everything she’s lost and all that’s happened to her, because it’s not okay.

Instead I whisper soothing words to her, words of affirmation, of love, of reassurance, and not a word of the judgement or anger she is constantly expecting to hear.

She doesn’t trust me yet, but I’m fine with that. I don’t expect her to.

God knows I don’t always trust that life, or people, or things can be good, either, and He’s been patient with me through many spiritual tantrums.

So by His grace I’ll be patient with her… and keep working to earn her trust.

After a long time, she finally relaxes and leans against me. Her angry sobs settle into heartbroken weeping as she tells me about the things that have been cruelly taken from her.

She leans her head on my chest where my aching heart beats inside, and there’s a rich kind of joy in place of the emptiness, because as I cradle this brokenness close, I realize I feel perfectly complete.

So many people only see the angry outbursts – but they’re not foreign to me. I hear the crying, wounded heart inside, and I get how the deep pain becomes anger that life has hurt so much, and if all that emotion has nowhere to go, these tantrums will be the result.

Anger at pain, as an emotion, isn’t wrong. It’s what we do with it. For this precious girl, she sometimes needs a safe place to cry, to just let it out…

For myself, ministering to her wounds is the best way to pour out my own emotions and mend my own broken places.

I never really understood how healing could come through giving. But it’s a concept meant to be lived, not taught, for true understanding to come.

No amount of self care can ever heal a heart the way caring for others will.

Maybe, instead of fighting our pain to mend the brokenness, we will be healed by embracing it, holding it close, weeping together, and mending each other through it all.

Maybe the little bit of love we have to offer shines brighter if we give it to those in the darkest places…

Reformation

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Repair. Rebuild. These words are familiar to me. They’re comforting words – they speak of restoration. A returning to what was, making whole and strong again.

But lately another concept has filled my mind.

Reformation.

Reform… to literally be formed again.

I’ve been broken before. It hurts. My plans get a few cracks, my heart ends up a little bruised, but Jesus repairs. He mends the broken places and life goes on. There might be a few battle scars, but overall, I am still me. Life is still familiar. And I realize, the pain was worth it. After I’m repaired, I see that it is Good.

Sometimes, an event has left me shattered. The pain goes deep. My heart isn’t only bruised, it’s in pieces. My plans break apart. They aren’t only cracked, they’re no longer in one piece.

But Jesus, the Carpenter from Nazareth, loves to rebuild. He takes all the pieces and fits them back together. It might not look quite like the original, but it is beautiful. After He rebuilds my life, I see that everything worked out for Good.

But what if I’m totally crushed? What if I’m way beyond cracked and bruised? More than shattered – because the pieces of me, my plans, and my life aren’t even recognizable? No hint of the original remains.

What then?

You can’t glue something back together if you don’t even have pieces to work with. If they’re crushed into fine powder, what then?

Thankfully, God isn’t limited to repairing or rebuilding things. He isn’t only a Carpenter, He is a Potter.

He wants to re-form me.

Dust and water are necessary to make clay…

Clay can be molded into beautiful, brand new vessels – completely different than the original.

There may be slight similarities, sure. Still made of clay. Still a vessel to be filled with any given substance. But, new.

Crushed lives, dreams, and identities may appear hopeless. But they are filled with vitality when saturated with the living water of God’s love!

God isn’t finished with me, with my life. His purpose for me is ever unfolding, and the same is true for you who reads this.

I don’t like being crushed. I’m afraid of the waves of pain that break over my head at times and almost push me under.

But… I do kind of like the idea of being reformed.

What’s God going to make my life into? How will He shape me through this?

If this crushing is necessary to produce the dust God needs to work with, I’ll relax into the ride. Let the waves toss me… let the Master Potter breathe life into me and shape me in His skillful hands…

And someday I’ll look back and realize, He has made me gloriously NEW!

I will have the same key features of course. Human. A vessel to be filled with Jesus. But oh, I hope I’m able to carry more of His love for others. I hope I will be formed in a way that reveals more of Him and less of me.

Am I enjoying this place in life? Not. At. All.

But there shines a brilliant light of hope in the darkness when I think about being drastically reformed.

Not only a minor repair job. Not being rebuilt into a similar structure. Complete reformation promises an exciting surprise of, “what will it be?!”

God has repaired me, and hurt has become good.

God has rebuilt me, and pain has been replaced with joy.

But now, God is reforming me, and dust will become alive! Just as He made it to be so in Genesis… and promises in Revelation… from cover to cover in the Bible, God delights in creating newness from humble beginnings.

I have faith that I’m not permanently going to be crushed.

I am in the hands of God, the Giver of new life… and I am in the process of being Re-Formed.

The intensity of the current pain gives me hope… that the new creation of God’s design for my life will be extraordinarily beautiful.

Behold, I am making all things NEW!

– God, Revelation 21:5 ESV –