Welcome…
to the place where I write fragments of the song my heart sings every day. The melody isn’t always beautifully vibrant or enthusiastic, in fact, at times it has nearly disappeared. But I’ve chosen to do life with Jesus, and knowing that I’m living in His will means that there’s always a reason for the song in my heart to continue. I invite you to join me as I discover the ways of abundant living in the everyday moments, and I pray that you’ll gain inspiration to live with purpose as well!
LATEST STORIES
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Today was Sunday. It started with a church service, which had a huge youth Sunday school class because of our youth prayer & fasting weekend. Our little circle of the usual 10 ish youth enjoyed all the visitors and the discussion they brought. This was my weekend to work, so next was home for lunch and a long nap. After that, things started to go off the rails… I realized I had no nice clothes to wear to work because I haven’t done laundry in over a week. I figured I had enough dresses and scrubs, but forgot to check…
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I’m sitting on my well worn grey sofa after another busy direct care shift, enjoying a few moments of solitude before I go to bed. My heart is full tonight. One week ago, I was homesick, wondering what Christmas alone would be like. At work that day, a visitor asked me “How will you like Christmas without my family?” I blinked back the now-familiar ache of loneliness, and bravely replied, “I try not to over think it. I’m focusing on the real meaning of Christmas, and I’m looking forward to experiencing the Christmas God wants for me here.” This adorable…
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Silent Night, Holy Night… The carollers sang gently, aware that they were standing in a sacred moment. All is calm, all is bright… Their harmonized voices complemented the aura of stillness in hallway of the nursing home, a holy pairing of quietness and soothing melody. The well worn song had probably been sung for the listener hundreds of times, a lifetime of Christmases. But this evening is different. For this person, it might be the last Silent Night. Glories stream from heaven afar… This thought could be heard in the richness of the music as each voice sang with passion…
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I get out of bed, look in my mirror, and firmly say, “Jackie, you’re a big girl now. Just do it.” And I obediently go to Walmart to buy more tea and cough syrup – and comfort my weary self that at least I will get to see other humans while I’m out. Being this sick so soon in my VS term was not in my plans. Taking this many days off work, when I came here to serve, definitely is going against my grain. But in all things, there is purpose. I’m not just waiting to get better so…
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“I guess I’m an adult now.” This thought pops into my head so often lately. It’s not a shocking, new, awareness. I passed my 18th birthday several years ago and have become used to being an adult. But since moving out of my parents home, adult life is taking on some new dimensions. When I come home from a day of work, and the first thing I do is go find my laundry hamper to collect all the dirty laundry… and I don’t even consider the couch because I can’t enjoy relaxing anyway until my laundry and dishes are done……
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Someone asked me a question a few days ago that’s still circling in my mind. Sharing a traditional American Thanksgiving meal, the table conversation drifted to the mission program I recently joined. “So – why this mission? Why did you leave everything and move here to this specific mission?” I honestly didn’t have an answer on the tip of my tongue. Nothing concise and intelligent sounding, anyway. Why did I come, anyway? Why, when it tore my heart to pieces to leave my little nephews and nieces behind? Why, when going to church every Sunday morning reminded me for weeks…
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This post is slightly overdue, but my heart and mind needed a few days to let the emotions settle before I could process them in words. A bridesmaid bouquet adorns my kitchen table, not quite as fresh as yesterday, but still beautiful. I pulled it out of the vase tonight, just to smell the roses, to play with the ribbons, and smile again at the memories of when it was fresh and new on Saturday morning… Just before the sun came up, I drove to a familiar home once again. I had the honor of driving my bestie to the…
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My people are all sleeping. Blankets were tucked around wrinkly chins, gray hair was brushed into ponytails for the night, and shaky arms reached up to hug me before I turned out the light. I held hands larger than my own and prayed bedtime prayers for a good night of pain free, restful sleep. They’re not my children. Most of them are old enough to be my grandparents, or at least my parents. But they call me, “Mom.” Sometimes they say it teasingly, but there’s an underlying note of seriousness. And other times, depending what they’ve just asked me to…
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The sun has set over the valley, and all is dark outside my window. My dorm sister is sleeping on the couch before she goes to work the night shift. A stack of clean dishes is drying beside the sink, where I’m content to leave them until tomorrow morning. There is leftover shepherds pie in the fridge. It was amazing (though I do say so myself.) My laundry is all clean and dry and in a basket, ready to be folded. (I could have done it after lunch, but I had a delicious nap instead. Then I went out with…
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There is a common struggle among women, and that is dealing with these things called emotions. The very word brings understanding nods and knowing looks and amused grins. It brings an animated discussion into our rather quiet youth girls Sunday school class. We know what emotions are! But there’s a prevalent misconception among us that to be emotionally mature, we need to master our emotions, and that means we deny feeling them at all. It is true that we should master our feelings, rather than letting them control us. The denial of their existence, however, is to live a lie.…
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The stars twinkle against a black sky. The lights are all off in the neighbour’s houses. The campfire is burned down and my youth group has gone home. Tis clearly Eventide… and well past. My nephews are oblivious to what Mom and I are very aware of. The 3 year old just escaped his bed and ran to the other end of the house giggling. Little brother is trying to climb out of his crib to follow when I enter the room. It’s only 1:00 in the morning, and the excitement of going to sleep at grandma’s house has apparently…
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If I could type in whispers right now, I would. Beginning this post after typing the title feels like an intrusion. As though I’m breaking the silence after a heartfelt prayer. But I couldn’t use anything else for my title, because my thoughts are centered around the concept in that simple statement. How often do I say “amen,” only to pick up the topic of my prayer again later? How many times do I skip the “amen,” because I’m having a continuous conversation with Jesus as I work? What does “amen” even mean? The literal translation is, “let it be,”…
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It’s Sunday afternoon again, and I’m here enjoying solitude in another park. I’m smiling as the breeze blows around me, the joy in my heart evidence that I’m alive. Not only physically, but deep in my heart and soul there is this sense of awareness, of gratefulness, of the fullness of life. There are notes of God’s goodness in the ordinary all around me… In recent moments I see signs of His abundance, and of beauty that makes life worth living. Visiting a mission and being inspired by the study of God’s word with people who are becoming excited about…
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“Mightier than the waves of the sea is His love for you.” It’s Sunday afternoon, and I’m here for some solo time in “my” gazebo in my favourite little park in the world. The last few days have been a whirlwind of travelling all over the state, catching up with various friends, and now I finally have time to sit and write. Yesterday, two friends took me three hours south, to the beach. The surf was wild – wilder than we’d ever seen before. The waves were a relentless fury of crashing water. The wind was strong. But the chaotic…
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I have never liked them. People have always told me I have a very large box. I’ve always liked to think outside of the box. I don’t like square or even numbers, because, well… I don’t really have a good reason, but odd numbers just always have a better ring to them than box-like, rigid, square numbers. But regardless of how I feel about boxes, lately they are creeping into my life. We’ve been saving boxes, and just now I put a reminder in my phone to bring boxes to school tomorrow. This afternoon I opened my desk drawers that…
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I sit at my desk, attempting to grade language tests, and my mind keeps wandering. The meeting with the staff and school board starts in 10 minutes… but this is my last board meeting. These language tests are the second last ones I need to grade. The little chalkboard hanging beside my calendar states the truth that’s starting to sink in: 19 more days of school. 19 more days of responding to the name “Miss Wideman,” and after the last day, I won’t be called that anymore. It’s been almost 6 years since my very scared younger self toured this…
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At first glance, they were ordinary. A few mismatched pieces of pottery. Nice enough, but simple. Graceful, unmarred, but nothing stunning about any of them. And yet, something about their unbroken simplicity was intriguing. The smooth surfaces and graceful designs spoke of gentle innocence, a kind of newness that is rarely seen. Then… they were smashed. Cruelly, beneath the hammer’s unfeeling blows, they cracked into pieces. The one holding the hammer trembled. It felt so wrong to do this… to ruin this perfect vessel so brutally. Yet it had to be done. It was part of the process. The vessel…
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I had a few today. Moments, that is. The kind where you really want to just pause and exhale – but there’s not actually time. This need to maintain full speed functionality was caused by a combination of paint, art projects at various stages, and twenty-four students, one of whom had joined our class for the first time. Art class. It always looks innocent on my planner, it stays organized as the supplies are gathered and neatly placed on my back counter – but soon after that, any semblance of order fades. My carefully planned strategy is replaced by one…
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What is your middle name? Does it carry any special meaning/significance? I don’t usually answer the daily prompts, but this one made me smile. My middle name is Anne. Yes, include that E. My dad chose it for me – Mom chose my first name. And I grew up to be quite like the iconic Anne with an E, as anyone who knows me will testify to. So in my teens, when my personality began to exhibit with vibrant intensity a dramatic way of expressing myself, (how’s that for a string of words, Lucy Maud,) mom would laughingly say to…
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I’m settling in for a relaxing weekend at home after two weekends away. So instead of sleeping as I should be, I’m absorbing what a wonderful feeling it is to be in my own bed on a weekend. Not because my travels weren’t enjoyable, but rather, because home is a great place to sit still, and let my thoughts flow, and bask in the goodness of God. Two weeks ago, I spent a few days with a long time friend and picked up just where we’d left off. She’s like a big sister to me, so when she said to…
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Humanity in all forms flows around me here in the busy Calgary airport, where I sit reflecting on my weekend. Enjoying a beautiful view of the Rockies. Eating Chinese food (one of the many perks to large airports… actually having a good food court!) Waiting on my connecting flight. And yes, forgive me, observing people. I’m meeting a few other followers of Jesus… Praying for the hurting souls going by as I hear the fragmented snatches of their life stories… Reading hopelessness in so many eyes. I think back to a comment that was made in the Sunday school discussion…
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*this post got missed in my old drafts for some reason. It was written last October, but if the chaos described is relatable to you now, maybe God meant this one to wait for you… to inspire you today. ♡ “Someday, I’ll invest more time in my blog,” I assure myself. “When life slows down enough that I have time to write.” That’s why I post so rarely. Not only because life doesn’t slow down, as you might be guessing. But also, because the rare day that does proceed in a calm, leisurely manner holds very little that can be…
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It’s Monday morning, grey and foggy, the air is damp and mild, and everything is a tad squishy. But the trees are coated in beautiful white, a mysterious beauty encrusting their stark bareness against the grey sky. And here in my classroom, all 23 of my people are working with me in our humming routine. My coffee is steaming in one of my three favourite “at-school” mugs. And it’s been a wonderful morning. I arrived at school feeling sleepy after staying too late last night… set down my things on my desk, glanced at the daily plan, and saw the…
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Have you ever tried to study the Levitical Law? Over the years, I’ve heard others share with glowing confidence that there’s so much to find there. I secretly wondered what their special gift was that they could interpret this book that I’ve always struggled with. I’ve never done an in depth study of the book, but I’ve opened my Bible, stumbled through detailed accounts of sacrificing various things, and struggled to find any inspiration for today. So last weekend, when I saw the Sunday school lesson, I inwardly groaned. Introduction to Leviticus… I knew it would be deep. A lot…
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The other day, when my family was together for Christmas, a little profound moment caught my attention. As I love to do at family get togethers, I had made lattes for everyone. I created them according to each person’s request, complete with a pretty garnish, and it only seemed right that I would present them in something elegant and special. When I handed my sister’s beverage to her in a beautiful stoneware mug, she didn’t recognize it and asked if it’s new. I explained that yes, it had been a gift from a student for Christmas, and she said, “Wow,…
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Disclaimer: this should have been posted a few days ago, however, due to the chaos mentioned in the title, it had to wait until now. 😉 Ahhh, Christmas. The season of family gathered around the table, laughter and joy, children sweetly singing carols, and a mug of peppermint hot chocolate to warm your hands… Gentle snow falls and frosty pink cheeks, Advent devotionals and soft Christmas music… Celebrating the birth of our Saviour, Jesus Christ, in a peaceful and joyful way, just like the night of His birth is remembered as a peaceful and joy filled occasion. It would be…
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Cold, grey, November rain dripped down my windows all day, but the chill couldn’t extinguish the warm glow in my heart. The rhythm of my classroom missed a few steps throughout the day, as tends to happen on rainy Mondays with sleepy and giggling students. But my wax warmer was glowing brightly, the scent of “Silent Night” was in the air, all 23 of my people were at school today… and the preciousness of yesterday still warms my heart. All through the moments of today, I know that God has been good… that He is still good. Yesterday was a…
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Spending Canadian Thanksgiving weekend in America has been a fascinating experience. When friends ask me what brought me to the area this weekend, and I explain that I have a long weekend so it worked well to travel, I get mixed reactions. Some barely know that we have Thanksgiving at a different time. Others are intrigued that it’s on a Monday. But my favourite response gave me the title for this post, although after we finished laughing, she did explain that she simply meant that Thanksgiving is meant to be a harvest time holiday. What are we doing having Thanksgiving…
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This week has been hectic. I’m starting to grade things for report cards, prepping to leave for the weekend, and trying to invest in my youth group by actually showing up for things. My classroom swallowed me the first week of school, and I’m starting to poke my head out into the real world again. For my own sanity, I think that’s a good thing. This week I realized I’ve been draining myself by teaching and giving so much – and it’s time to be renewed so I can actually be an effective teacher. So this morning, with high ideals,…
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I am a teacher. And while that title means I am an educator, a story teller, a listener, a mentor, a nurse, and sometimes almost get mistaken for a mom, I am not everything. I’m not in fact, superhuman. I am not magically feeling patient 100% of the time, and I don’t know the answer to every thing you can think of asking me. And very clearly lately I’ve noticed another thing about myself: I am not omnipresent. When one student nearly passes out during Bible memory recitation, I cannot remain at the front of the room and rush to…
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I’ve been wanting to turn this into a blog post for several days, but I’ve been too busy to get my swirling thoughts typed here. However, as I spun my cake decorators’ turntable this afternoon, and angled my tools to create the desired look, I had time to think and reflect… now the cakes are done so I can exhale, relax, and write what’s been on my heart. Last weekend was 6 months since I first walked into the church that now feels like home… barely knowing anyone, and completely terrified, but somehow convinced this was the right thing to…
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If you have ever sat in my class, you may have noticed I am a “bunny trails teacher.” I’ve tried to curb the habit, because obviously we have routines to keep, deadlines to meet, assignments to complete. But in the years I’ve taught, I’ve quietly told myself that some bunny trails are important. Sometimes, answering that off-topic question will mean more to them in life than if we finish the math lesson today or tomorrow. It’s not something I’ve actually spent much time intentionally thinking about, until yesterday. I was chatting with some upper grade girls at lunch, who were…
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It’s commonly known that to understand it, a life must be experienced, and can’t be simply explained. Maybe teaching school is like that, too. And just like life, living it doesn’t mean it all makes sense. I encounter a lot of unexplainable things at school. Such as, how do erasers always disappear from the same place, only to turn up in exactly the place they were missing from moments earlier? Where do they go while they are mysteriously gone? Do children plan in advance to all be sleepy on the same day? Do they have secret “class sleepy days” planned…
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I’ve arrived home at the end of a good weekend… that kind that’s exhausting, inspiring, and energizing, all in one. It’s this kind of weekend that fills your heart and mind with joy & inspiration to the very brim… and spills a little bit over to start your week off well. Exhausting, because – people. Lots of people. But energizing at the same time, for the same reason! I thrive on human connections, and when I’m able to interact with total strangers and have good conversations, I’m energized by that. So a Bible conference with a crowd of people from…
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*the purpose of this post is simply to relieve the author’s stress during a hectic week. If you are looking for inspiration or insightful teacher advice, I apologize, this post is written by a brain with little wisdom left to offer. 😋 To successfully teach through the week leading up to the report card deadline, there are several important things to remember. Before I get into those, let me define what I mean by teaching the week “successfully.” It means having worked ahead all trimester on oral reading, music, and art grades, so all you have to grade are any…
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Have I mentioned lately that I love teaching? Sometimes I forget that I do. It’s easy to get into the routine, get used to the chaos, and start to take the familiarity of school life for granted. But once in awhile, I remember to sit back and look at my day as though I’m a new teacher again, and I’m amazed at all the things that happen in a day. When they hired me nearly five years to be a teacher, I naively expected I would study academic matters and find avenues to pass on that knowledge to children. Which…
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Warmth floods my heart tonight in spite of the cold outside… At the end of a day filled with so many beautiful little things, who couldn’t help but smile? I had promised my Littles an extra skating slot because they had three quizzes yesterday and a test today, poor dears. They deserved a reward for all their hard work! So this morning, we were on the ice before ever going into the classroom. Snowflakes floated down all around me, settling gently on my hair, dusting everything I could see like a scene from a Christmas card. So peaceful. We played…
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So, it’s here. Here, and two minutes close to ending… This last day of the year 2023. I find it interesting how we put so much emphasis on the ending of an old year, and welcome the new year with so many emotions… when what really changes in life from 11:59 to 12:00? Yet, imagine if life was one endless rolling span of time with no way to measure it. I am so grateful that God created time for us, because He knew we would need those milestones. It’s a way of sorting life into chapters, actually. Or little hardcover…
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Today is… a heart full and a mind full of swirling things. The weekend was amazing. Full, rich, exciting, and beautiful, all in one. Meeting new people… reconnecting with those I’ve met before… and discussing all angles of life with a great friend who approaches every situation in a similar fashion as I do. Being myself. Free. Figuring out people and learning things about myself, hashing it all out with said friend, and nearly exhausted from the intensity… yet somehow finding it energizing. And definitely, loving every minute of it. But you can’t make a weekend last forever, and eventually…
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I’ve started several posts lately and left them unfinished … but now I know what I’m trying to capture. Life has been so good lately, so full of beauty, saturated with miracles. Miracles, I’ve learned, are everywhere. Any evidence of God’s hand at work is a miracle, but we need to have eyes of faith to see them. A speaker I heard recently, shared a comment that has stayed with me: “You’ve got to plan for miracles.” I’ve thought about that a lot… it’s complex, because we can’t plan what the miracles will be, even though we might be full…
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I brought Beta home tonight! She’s a 2013 Toyota Camry LE, and I am officially thrilled to be her new owner. I know, my previous post on this topic mentioned names like Vivianne or Samantha… but none of them seemed quite right. And eventually I decided, what better name for my second car than Beta, literally meaning, the second. Considering the fact that people say I’m the 2.0 version of who I was a year ago… it felt like the car that I’ll be driving forward into this next season of life should be named something that includes the number…
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Today’s art class was going to be calm and organized, so that I can leave school at dismissal and get to my much needed massage appointment on time. However, “art class,” “calm,” and “organized” shouldn’t ever be in the same sentence. In my fifth year of teaching, I’m still learning that. The only way to describe today’s class is “in my face.” As I walk around the room, hands are popping up – in my face. Papers are jumping off desks for approval and advice – in my face. A bloody tooth on a palm covered in chalk dust appears…
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Blessed are they who dwell in thy house: they will still be praising thee. Selah.
~ Psalm 84:4
Notes from My Heartsong 