*the purpose of this post is simply to relieve the author’s stress during a hectic week. If you are looking for inspiration or insightful teacher advice, I apologize, this post is written by a brain with little wisdom left to offer. 😋

To successfully teach through the week leading up to the report card deadline, there are several important things to remember.

Before I get into those, let me define what I mean by teaching the week “successfully.”

It means having worked ahead all trimester on oral reading, music, and art grades, so all you have to grade are any tests or quizzes you assign that week.

It means breathing calmly, wearing a patient smile, and working productively through organized priority lists every afternoon.

Success means you reach the end of the week with satisfaction after completing another set of report cards with a few hours to spare, and you survived just fine.

This is my fourteenth time doing report cards.

Personally, there are only a few rules to follow to make the process quite manageable.

Work ahead. Do not procrastinate. Definitely don’t get busy planning the Easter program and practicing to direct the mass choir, when you should be taking grades for report cards.

Don’t attempt any extras.

For example, plan a simple art lesson that doesn’t require you to go shopping for supplies. Don’t have a complex poetry assignment to organize with your seventh grade writing class. Don’t ask your co-teachers for a second mass choir practice.

And finally, you must not be sick during report cards week. It does not work.

As you’ve probably guessed by now, I didn’t work ahead.

I did allow myself to be caught up in the Easter program preparations, and suddenly, the report card deadline was looming.

Yes, it was me you saw walking frantically down the store aisle, buying aerosol hairspray for an art project. At a late evening hour on Monday night.

Were those poems I was marking? Yes! But such beautiful, eloquent poetry they wrote… It simply must be made into posters for the Easter season!

And sometimes, extras are unavoidable, like when a student comes inside with a wet dress. There could have been better days, but really, report cards week or not, it’s never a good day to fall in a puddle.

Thankfully, there’s a hair dryer in my car. Oh yes, I need to do my hair before church so I brought my things along – why the hair dryer, I’m not sure, obviously I just grabbed all the hair stuff I could see in my sleepy state this morning.

Spelling papers were passed out. Confused faces. Hands are raised. Many, many hands. Cold, wet, child shivered. Grammar tests called longingly from my desk…

I motion. Hands go down. They wait while I explain. I assign study partners for good measure. Confusion turns to delight – we haven’t done this very often! They’re a bit young, possibly, but thanks to a teacher inspiration day I attended recently, I decide to give it a try.

(It’s also an act of desperation to keep those hands down, as I need to start blow drying that child. Now.)

I race through the cold wind to my car. I didn’t take time to put a coat on. Soon, I’m running/shivering/leaping over puddles as I run back across the parking lot, valiantly bearing a hair dryer.

I crouch. Hair dryer blows. Tension leaves child’s face as she sees that this crazy idea is working.

I explain the hair dryer settings and leave her in charge of that operation. The rest of the morning passes by in a somewhat less harried fashion.

The student who will be traveling completed their assignments. I do an oral reading assessment as well as a spelling test while hoping the rest of the class won’t need too much help with their reading lesson. I need those grades before this student leaves on vacation…

With some juggling and feeling suspiciously stretched, we arrive at lunch. Hot lunch, served by several moms, puts us all in a good mood. No one took fourths of jello or thirds of dessert today. They all returned their utensils without being reminded. They said “thank you” to the cooks.

Story time, cursive writing, corrections, and suddenly, last recess. I decided to skip history because I have a headache. Oral checking and corrections were a good use of our time.

Then we had library time, and art. The art lesson that required me explaining every step of the project, and answering countless questions, and hearing my name until I’m ready to change it to something else, just to hear a different sound, and definitely never going near my chair.

Finally, I found myself spraying hairspray onto all their papers to seal the drawing chalk. It was very cold outside. I vaguely thought of it that I shouldn’t be outside, feeling the way I was…

Finally, my sweet bunch of noisy chaos bounces out the door.

The productive after school routine that is required for effective report card preparation should not revolve around tea. It should not require advil.

You should not look blearily at the calendar and desperately count the days until this craziness is complete.

You should not pray for a snow day.

You should not be listening to the incredibly long list of directions on your doctor’s answering service, when you have work to do.

Because you should never be sick the week of report cards.

Please, believe me – it does not work.